For my Grandma

Yesterday and today were rough.  I've been really busy getting the family packed up for a camping trip.  Which has kept me busy, but still, I'm exhausted.  Hubby says I'm probably not sleeping well, which could also account for me waking up the last two days with a headache.  I feel like there is a weight on my heart all the time.  I'll go along and be fine for several hours and then something will hit me and I'll start crying again.

I'm leaving tomorrow to start traveling to the memorial service which will be on Saturday.  Its going to be a long, but really quick trip.  I actually think we'll be driving for longer than we'll be out of the car.  But I get to travel with three siblings, my Dad and various in-laws.  I think will be good for all of us.  As long as they stay out of my space on the car seat anyway!

There have been a lot of memories of Grandma floating around in my head that I wanted to write down.

I remember baking with her.  She always let me help her, even though I know I was more of a hindrance than a help until I got older.  I don't remember her ever getting cross or upset with me when I was helping her, even when I burned six cups of sugar because I was watching tv instead of stirring.

I remember swimming a lot in their pool.  I remember that she didn't get in very often with us, but when she did she would always just sit on a step on the side.  I only learned a few years ago that she was actually terrified of the water.  She never let that show when we were little though.

I remember how cool it was to walk down to Grandma and Grandpa's to spend the night.  Grandma pretty much let me do what I wanted to!

I remember how she always let me play in her jewelry, even though some of it was expensive.  She still has the same jewelry box and I can still hear the sound of the music that would play when I would open the drawer.

I remember having our entire family together at holidays.  Grandma handled cooking for 26 people in a small kitchen with a lot of grace!

I remember once I got older how Grandma would want to "talk" to me.  Sometimes that meant that she had something she wanted to tell me about that she thought I might need to work on, but sometimes it just meant that she wanted a little one on one time with me.  It always made me feel special.

I remember watching Grandma holding my first child, her first great-grandchild.  I remember thinking how glad I was that she was still there to be a part of my children's lives.

I remember how excited she was about sharing a birthday with Baby Girl #3.  I hadn't thought of that until I was looking through pictures last night and saw one of her holding Baby Girl on their birthday.  I am glad that I will always be able to remember my Grandma on my daughter's birthday.

I remember her laugh, how she would throw her head back and just laugh without abandon.  I remember how she would tease and play with us, even when we thought we were too old to tease.

I remember her chocolate chip cookie dough, without nuts, just for me.

I remember the sound of her singing.

I remember her smile.

I remember her hugs and kisses.

I remember her.

I miss you Grandma...