I am back together with all my girls! The littles and I headed up to my parents' house on Thursday and Friday. Let me just say that I am so glad that my brother and his family live almost exactly halfway between my house and my parents. I could have made the 10-14 hour trip (if you have little ones you understand why the trip time could be either 10 or 14 hours) by myself, but I'm really glad I didn't have to. We stayed the night Thursday night at my brother's. When we got up Friday morning and ate breakfast I was washing our dishes and Baby Girl #3 asked if I had to wash the dishes. I explained to her that when you visit someone's home it is always nice to leave the house as nice or nicer than when you got there. That way if you ever want to visit again they will look forward to you coming instead of dreading it. Then I told my brother about the conversation and informed him that I intend to be visiting a lot, whenever we travel back and forth to see the grandparents! Luckily we all get along and our visits are always fun!
I miss Hubby a lot, but it is nice to be back with my parents and be getting ready to enjoy the week with my family. Hubby told me a little while ago that one of our elders told him today that he should come up here this week so that he could be with us for Christmas even though technically he doesn't have the vacation time to be able to do that. Unfortunately, Hubby has a funeral to do in Houston this week so he couldn't come up anyway, but it means so much to us that our elders offered to let him take the extra time. It's nice that they feel that way even though we've only be there for about 4 months. This move has been tough on us, but things like that make it easier to feel like we're really a part of the congregation.
So now I have all the presents wrapped, goodies made and bag unpacked. All that is left is to unwrap all the gifts and enjoy spending time with family. I'm looking forward to not having to do anything that I don't actually want to! I hope all of you have a wonderful week filled with love and laughter. To any of you who are having a difficult time due to a loss or dealing with any depression, I may not know exactly who you are or what you are dealing with, but I will be praying for you.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Perspective
We've been having some problems with our Suburban lately. Hubby has tried a couple of different tricks to try and fix it himself. We thought we had it taken care of, but yesterday a light popped on again and we realized that we were going to have to take it in and have it repaired.
Praise God we have the money to get it fixed! The down side is that that leaves us with zero dollars in savings. Which isn't all that different than it has been for the last several years. Any time we finally are able to put money into savings something big comes up that we end up having to pay for. We are thankful that we've been able to pay cash for so many things that have come up the last few years. But we also struggle with the frustration of not having money put aside.
But with the shooting today in Connecticut, everything seems to have come into sharper focus. Today I have my two youngest with me safe and sound. My 5 year old was not at a school today that had a mad man come in and kill innocent babies. I know that my older two are also safe. Hubby and I are healthy and our children are healthy.
So what if we have to pay for the water pump to be fixed? So what if we have to be careful with our finances because we have no savings? I'm not sitting at home tonight, staring at presents that my child will never open. I will not have to navigate the next hours and days and months and years with a void in my heart that my child once filled. I do not have an adult family member who will be missing at the family dinner this year. So tonight I praise God that my children and my spouse are safe and whole. I pray for those who did lose their children and their loved ones. I cry for the pain they must be feeling.
But through it all, I feel an overwhelming thankfulness that even in times when we can't understand why something happens, we have the knowledge that one day God himself will wipe away our tears.
Praise God we have the money to get it fixed! The down side is that that leaves us with zero dollars in savings. Which isn't all that different than it has been for the last several years. Any time we finally are able to put money into savings something big comes up that we end up having to pay for. We are thankful that we've been able to pay cash for so many things that have come up the last few years. But we also struggle with the frustration of not having money put aside.
But with the shooting today in Connecticut, everything seems to have come into sharper focus. Today I have my two youngest with me safe and sound. My 5 year old was not at a school today that had a mad man come in and kill innocent babies. I know that my older two are also safe. Hubby and I are healthy and our children are healthy.
So what if we have to pay for the water pump to be fixed? So what if we have to be careful with our finances because we have no savings? I'm not sitting at home tonight, staring at presents that my child will never open. I will not have to navigate the next hours and days and months and years with a void in my heart that my child once filled. I do not have an adult family member who will be missing at the family dinner this year. So tonight I praise God that my children and my spouse are safe and whole. I pray for those who did lose their children and their loved ones. I cry for the pain they must be feeling.
But through it all, I feel an overwhelming thankfulness that even in times when we can't understand why something happens, we have the knowledge that one day God himself will wipe away our tears.
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Littles
We are still down to just two girls, but now we have the littlest two. I was totally prepared for the next two weeks to be more difficult with the little ones instead of the big ones. But so far it hasn't been too bad. Yes, one of the girls is completely dependent on us for everything still. Except for getting her drink in and out of the fridge, she can't do much on her own. And while Baby Girl #3 is doing extremely well learning to read, she is still not able to read real books on her own. Which means that on rainy days like today she needs some major distractions since she can't play outside. Add to that the fact that the big girl's chores have fallen back on my shoulders, I was thinking that I wouldn't have much time to do anything around here.
But I forgot one huge factor. School for a Kindergartener takes MUCH less time than a 3rd grader and 5th grader. I'm talking an hour tops and we're done. Well, at least I'm done with my part. It might take her a little longer to get done with handwriting. But seriously, I had forgotten how quickly I can get done with just #3. It was a nice surprise today to be able to do 6 loads of laundry, an hour trip to Wal-Mart and everything else involved in the day after doing school this morning. So now I'm not worried about not having enough time for everything so much.
The one bad thing out of all of this? I'm not actually going to have much of a break from school. The girls will each have about 4 weeks off because of the trips to the grandparent's and the actual holidays. But since I'm going to be doing school with #3 until the 21st and then taking some math for the older ones to do while we're at my parent's, I'm not going to have many days that I don't have to worry about school at all. Oh well--hubby is going to make sure I have the day off for my birthday. Since this school year was thrown out of whack with the move I'm going to be thankful for the small things!
But I forgot one huge factor. School for a Kindergartener takes MUCH less time than a 3rd grader and 5th grader. I'm talking an hour tops and we're done. Well, at least I'm done with my part. It might take her a little longer to get done with handwriting. But seriously, I had forgotten how quickly I can get done with just #3. It was a nice surprise today to be able to do 6 loads of laundry, an hour trip to Wal-Mart and everything else involved in the day after doing school this morning. So now I'm not worried about not having enough time for everything so much.
The one bad thing out of all of this? I'm not actually going to have much of a break from school. The girls will each have about 4 weeks off because of the trips to the grandparent's and the actual holidays. But since I'm going to be doing school with #3 until the 21st and then taking some math for the older ones to do while we're at my parent's, I'm not going to have many days that I don't have to worry about school at all. Oh well--hubby is going to make sure I have the day off for my birthday. Since this school year was thrown out of whack with the move I'm going to be thankful for the small things!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
We might have gotten something right
The other day Hubby and I were talking on the phone to the younger girls. Then I hear the older two in the back of the car asking if they could talk to their sisters as well. This surprised me since just a few days before they were talking about how nice it was going to be to not have their sisters around. Listening to them on the phone I was happy to hear them be genuinely interested in what the little ones were doing and they engaged #4 in a real conversation.
I had a nice "ah ha" moment where I turned to Hubby and told him that this is what we had been working for ever since we had more than one child. That bond between siblings that is real and everlasting. Caring about each other and wanting to be a part of each others lives instead of viewing each other as annoyances to be shoved aside for other friends their own age. This is what we want for our children! It reminded me of a quote I saw recently that said, "Don't become so caught up in raising a good kid that you forget you already have one." It felt nice to believe that maybe, just maybe, Hubby and I were doing something right.
And then we got home and I saw that #1 and #2 hadn't done their chores for the day like they were told to before we left. Oh well, one battle at a time!
I had a nice "ah ha" moment where I turned to Hubby and told him that this is what we had been working for ever since we had more than one child. That bond between siblings that is real and everlasting. Caring about each other and wanting to be a part of each others lives instead of viewing each other as annoyances to be shoved aside for other friends their own age. This is what we want for our children! It reminded me of a quote I saw recently that said, "Don't become so caught up in raising a good kid that you forget you already have one." It felt nice to believe that maybe, just maybe, Hubby and I were doing something right.
And then we got home and I saw that #1 and #2 hadn't done their chores for the day like they were told to before we left. Oh well, one battle at a time!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Feelings...
You know you're singing the song in your head too! I actually don't know that I know more than the first five words of that song! Nope, just thought about it and I don't know anymore words!
Yesterday Hubby and the older girls and I had a great day. We decorated the tree, did a little shopping, went to see a movie (Rise of the Guardians is awesome) and then had dinner together. I enjoyed all of it, but I felt a little weepy all day. The kind where I felt on the verge of tears almost constantly. We were going so much that I didn't really try to figure out why I felt that way until after the girls had gone to bed and I had a few minutes of quiet. And I realized that I was just missing my Grandma.
I don't know what set it off. Maybe the decorations I put up that used to be at her house? Maybe it was putting away her picture to put up other Christmas decorations. Or maybe I am just sad and it has to come out sometimes. I honestly don't know. I wish I did. I think I've mentioned before that this whole grief thing is new to me. I've found myself lately thinking a lot about Grandma's last days and the pain she was in. I have a hard time wrenching my mind off of that and remembering better times, when she was healthy. Is that normal? I don't know that either.
But it got me to thinking about all the people who have lost those who they are really close to. Parents, spouses, children. I can't imagine that pain. I loved my Grandma and considered myself close to her, but it wasn't the same as losing someone really close to me. I have already found myself wishing that it didn't hurt so bad. How does someone who loses a spouse or a child walk through that pain? How can they function in the normal day to day life?
If losing my Grandma teaches me nothing else, I hope that I am able to be more sensitive to those who have lost a loved one. To remember that while they may look ok on the outside, they are still grieving on the inside. To remember that the grief process lasts so much longer than most people realize, and to give that person the time and space they need to grieve. To remember to guard my tongue carefully lest something I say unthinkingly causes more pain. And to remember to show that person months and years down the road that I have not forgotten their loss. But most importantly of all, to pray for those who are grieving, as often as I think of them. That God would grant them a measure of peace as they wade through their new life without their loved one in it and that they would always remember how much He truly loves them.
I think Grandma would be glad that even in her passing, she is still teaching me how to be a better person.
Yesterday Hubby and the older girls and I had a great day. We decorated the tree, did a little shopping, went to see a movie (Rise of the Guardians is awesome) and then had dinner together. I enjoyed all of it, but I felt a little weepy all day. The kind where I felt on the verge of tears almost constantly. We were going so much that I didn't really try to figure out why I felt that way until after the girls had gone to bed and I had a few minutes of quiet. And I realized that I was just missing my Grandma.
I don't know what set it off. Maybe the decorations I put up that used to be at her house? Maybe it was putting away her picture to put up other Christmas decorations. Or maybe I am just sad and it has to come out sometimes. I honestly don't know. I wish I did. I think I've mentioned before that this whole grief thing is new to me. I've found myself lately thinking a lot about Grandma's last days and the pain she was in. I have a hard time wrenching my mind off of that and remembering better times, when she was healthy. Is that normal? I don't know that either.
But it got me to thinking about all the people who have lost those who they are really close to. Parents, spouses, children. I can't imagine that pain. I loved my Grandma and considered myself close to her, but it wasn't the same as losing someone really close to me. I have already found myself wishing that it didn't hurt so bad. How does someone who loses a spouse or a child walk through that pain? How can they function in the normal day to day life?
If losing my Grandma teaches me nothing else, I hope that I am able to be more sensitive to those who have lost a loved one. To remember that while they may look ok on the outside, they are still grieving on the inside. To remember that the grief process lasts so much longer than most people realize, and to give that person the time and space they need to grieve. To remember to guard my tongue carefully lest something I say unthinkingly causes more pain. And to remember to show that person months and years down the road that I have not forgotten their loss. But most importantly of all, to pray for those who are grieving, as often as I think of them. That God would grant them a measure of peace as they wade through their new life without their loved one in it and that they would always remember how much He truly loves them.
I think Grandma would be glad that even in her passing, she is still teaching me how to be a better person.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
A tree that actually smells!
We finally got a Christmas tree that smells like a Christmas tree! We had an artificial tree for several years. That was for me. So much easier to just pull it out and have the lights already on there and we had one that looked pretty good. Until last year when Hubby informed me that he really preferred real trees because he liked the smell. I had not known this up to that point so we decided to get a real tree last year. We went all out--drove an hour to a Christmas tree farm, played on the toys, cut the tree down ourselves, the whole shebang. Only to get it home and realize that it had no smell to it whatsoever. Nothing! We spent $90 on that stupid thing, and that doesn't include the gas to and from.
That is not the case this year! I am sitting in front of our gorgeous tree and enjoying the smell of it permeating the entire house. This thing is strong! And I have to admit I'm loving it! The best part? We drove maybe 3 miles to pick it up and paid $40 for it. And it is just as pretty, if not more, so than our tree last year!
I also have the rest of my Christmas decorations up. Usually I don't have everything up this early. In fact, I have a little light that you can count down how many days until Christmas and I didn't realize before today that it went above 25 days. But since Baby Girls #1 and #2 are going to the grandparents next week I wanted to get everything up before they left so they could enjoy it for a little while. And they enjoyed being able to help me set everything up. And let's be honest, it is so much easier to get everything out without a 2 year old wanting to help.
That last picture is a singing village of Disney characters. My grandparents put them up for so many years in their home at Christmas time. My Grandpa took a lot of time to get them situated just right on their organ. I remember as a kid just sitting and watching them for the longest time. About 5 years ago when they were downsizing Grandma asked me if I wanted it. I said yes, not really thinking at the time that I would use it that much. But I've put it up every year and it makes me smile every time I see it because it makes me think of Grandpa and Grandma's house. And I love to watch my girls sitting in front of it listening to the songs, just like I used to. And I remember how big Grandma smiled when I told her how much my daughters loved it. I like having a piece of her in my home like that.
That is not the case this year! I am sitting in front of our gorgeous tree and enjoying the smell of it permeating the entire house. This thing is strong! And I have to admit I'm loving it! The best part? We drove maybe 3 miles to pick it up and paid $40 for it. And it is just as pretty, if not more, so than our tree last year!
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| No decorations yet--we got home too late. Tomorrow! |
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| They're a little hard to see, but I love snowmen! I have a lot of them, but I always want more! |
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| I seriously love these Hallmark things that sing! I only have two, mainly to help Hubby's sanity. |
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| My attempt to keep the more breakable items out of reach of Baby Girl #4. I'll let you know how that goes! |
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| You can't see it, but these are right next to Hubby's homework table. It's because he loves them sooooo much! |
That last picture is a singing village of Disney characters. My grandparents put them up for so many years in their home at Christmas time. My Grandpa took a lot of time to get them situated just right on their organ. I remember as a kid just sitting and watching them for the longest time. About 5 years ago when they were downsizing Grandma asked me if I wanted it. I said yes, not really thinking at the time that I would use it that much. But I've put it up every year and it makes me smile every time I see it because it makes me think of Grandpa and Grandma's house. And I love to watch my girls sitting in front of it listening to the songs, just like I used to. And I remember how big Grandma smiled when I told her how much my daughters loved it. I like having a piece of her in my home like that.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A family of 4
We are back from our trip for Thanksgiving. We went up to one of my brothers' homes, which is about half way between us and my parent's place. All my siblings except for one were there and only one sister-in-law wasn't able to come. My parents were both there as well as my Grandpa.
I have actually been really looking forward to being together again. I saw everyone at my Grandma's funeral, but I was ready for us to be together to have some fun. But I was also dreading it a little bit, just because I thought it would be hard to see Grandpa there without Grandma.
But it was actually ok. I thought about Grandma a lot, but didn't have a lot of time to spend missing her. We ate a lot, played a lot of games, the girls got to ride the four wheelers, and just generally enjoyed being together. We played 9 holes of Frisbee golf, and that was actually a lot of fun. It was the first time I've ever played and I think we'll be doing it again!
I, of course, forgot to take pictures. I'm really bad about that. So no pictures to show all the fun we had. You'll have to take my word for it!
My parents took Baby Girls #3 & 4 back home with them for two weeks. #3 could have cared less. She kept telling us, "See you in two weeks!" I'm sure she'll be ready to come home, but she was so excited to be able to go to Grammy and Pappy's for a while without the older sisters. #4 wasn't quite as sure about it, but I have no doubt that she'll love the time she spends there too.
It's only been about a day that we haven't had them, but I do miss them a little. I'm not going to lie--the quiet and the fact that the older two are almost completely self-sufficient has been really nice. Hubby and I are looking forward to getting to do some things with #1 and #2 that we normally couldn't with the younger girls. But our family just isn't complete with only four of us.
We'll go back to my brother's house in two weeks and switch out the girls. Then the older two get to go to the grandparents and we'll have the younger two here. I'm not so sure I'm looking forward to going back to having just two little ones, but oh well. It won't be forever!
In the meantime, the older girls are going to help me decorate for Christmas, we're going to go get a tree this weekend, going to a movie and Hubby and I are going on a date. And that is just this week--we'll have to see what next week holds!
I have actually been really looking forward to being together again. I saw everyone at my Grandma's funeral, but I was ready for us to be together to have some fun. But I was also dreading it a little bit, just because I thought it would be hard to see Grandpa there without Grandma.
But it was actually ok. I thought about Grandma a lot, but didn't have a lot of time to spend missing her. We ate a lot, played a lot of games, the girls got to ride the four wheelers, and just generally enjoyed being together. We played 9 holes of Frisbee golf, and that was actually a lot of fun. It was the first time I've ever played and I think we'll be doing it again!
I, of course, forgot to take pictures. I'm really bad about that. So no pictures to show all the fun we had. You'll have to take my word for it!
My parents took Baby Girls #3 & 4 back home with them for two weeks. #3 could have cared less. She kept telling us, "See you in two weeks!" I'm sure she'll be ready to come home, but she was so excited to be able to go to Grammy and Pappy's for a while without the older sisters. #4 wasn't quite as sure about it, but I have no doubt that she'll love the time she spends there too.
It's only been about a day that we haven't had them, but I do miss them a little. I'm not going to lie--the quiet and the fact that the older two are almost completely self-sufficient has been really nice. Hubby and I are looking forward to getting to do some things with #1 and #2 that we normally couldn't with the younger girls. But our family just isn't complete with only four of us.
We'll go back to my brother's house in two weeks and switch out the girls. Then the older two get to go to the grandparents and we'll have the younger two here. I'm not so sure I'm looking forward to going back to having just two little ones, but oh well. It won't be forever!
In the meantime, the older girls are going to help me decorate for Christmas, we're going to go get a tree this weekend, going to a movie and Hubby and I are going on a date. And that is just this week--we'll have to see what next week holds!
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Through the Eyes of a Child
Today as we were driving to church we saw one of our neighbors walking. Baby Girl #2 said, "Look, there's the nice lady walking!" When she said that all the other girls knew who she was talking about. The "nice lady" is a Muslim. Full head covering and long sleeved, floor length dress. I told Bryan I was glad that when they looked at her all they saw was someone who stopped to talk to them if they were outside and who asked them about themselves, not what she was wearing or what she might believe. I love that at 10, 8 and 5 they are still innocent enough to take a person at face value, without having any prejudices, good or bad.
Of course, that can also backfire. Like the time we were in a store after living here less than three weeks and Baby Girl #2 loudly exclaims, "Mommy, we're the only white people in here." Still spoken in complete innocence, but for some reason it didn't warm my heart quite as much as the nice lady comment! :-S
Of course, that can also backfire. Like the time we were in a store after living here less than three weeks and Baby Girl #2 loudly exclaims, "Mommy, we're the only white people in here." Still spoken in complete innocence, but for some reason it didn't warm my heart quite as much as the nice lady comment! :-S
Monday, November 12, 2012
Family Fun
Fridays and Saturdays are Hubby's days off. After taking time off for the memorial service and camping and grandparents visit my plan was to go ahead and do school on Fridays. My original plan was to take Fridays off for the entire year. But because of the extra time off I decided we would bite the bullet and just have school on Fridays until January. That lasted all of one week. What kid wants to be doing school when their Daddy is sitting in the
living room just waiting for them to come and play with him? For that
matter, what Mom wants to be doing school while Hubby is sitting in the
living room doing nothing! Not us!
To be fair, if I really thought we had fallen that far behind we would be doing school on Friday. But after reviewing Baby Girl #1's math and #2's math and english I decided we weren't as far behind as I thought. In fact, we were a little bit ahead of schedule.
All this to explain that we had a family day on Friday. Hubby assisted Baby Girl #2 in making blueberry muffins and bacon for breakfast. She has been begging for about 2 months to be able to make breakfast so she was very happy to be able to get to do it. I was very happy to be able to sleep in a little and wake up to my favorite breakfast!
After that we loaded everyone up and went to do a little shopping for Hubby. He has gone for far too long with his slacks falling apart and being sewn quickly back together. And his shoes that he wears with pretty much every suit were getting holes in the soles. So I found a store that we having a sale, found a coupon and off we went. It just so happens that I also found a $75 purse for $5. Just sayin'!
After a little bit of shopping we surprised the girls with going to see Wreck-it Ralph. Hubby and I both enjoy going to the movies and the girls love to go as well. My sister had seen this movie and said it was really good so we decided to treat the girls. We went to a matinee--lets be honest, our family of six can really only afford to go to matinees! We found a theater that is a little older and more run down, but their ticket prices are cheaper as are their popcorn prices! And the staff was pretty nice. And we loved the movie! We might actually buy it, and that is really saying something!
After that we came back home, had some dinner, watched another movie for family movie night and then packed the kiddos off to bed.
So what was so exciting about the day that is warranted a blog post? Not much I guess, other than a note mentioning that we had a nice relaxing day as a family. No schedules to keep, no running around madly trying to get every last thing done, no bad attitudes or hurt feelings. Just us together, enjoying being together. I'm learning to count days like that as a reminder that God has given us all kinds of blessings that we normally take for granted. Good health for all of us, the financial means to treat ourselves to a movie, a spouse that I still like to sit next to in a movie theater, even if we both have kids on our laps. I hope I never take those kinds of days for granted!
To be fair, if I really thought we had fallen that far behind we would be doing school on Friday. But after reviewing Baby Girl #1's math and #2's math and english I decided we weren't as far behind as I thought. In fact, we were a little bit ahead of schedule.
All this to explain that we had a family day on Friday. Hubby assisted Baby Girl #2 in making blueberry muffins and bacon for breakfast. She has been begging for about 2 months to be able to make breakfast so she was very happy to be able to get to do it. I was very happy to be able to sleep in a little and wake up to my favorite breakfast!
After that we loaded everyone up and went to do a little shopping for Hubby. He has gone for far too long with his slacks falling apart and being sewn quickly back together. And his shoes that he wears with pretty much every suit were getting holes in the soles. So I found a store that we having a sale, found a coupon and off we went. It just so happens that I also found a $75 purse for $5. Just sayin'!
After a little bit of shopping we surprised the girls with going to see Wreck-it Ralph. Hubby and I both enjoy going to the movies and the girls love to go as well. My sister had seen this movie and said it was really good so we decided to treat the girls. We went to a matinee--lets be honest, our family of six can really only afford to go to matinees! We found a theater that is a little older and more run down, but their ticket prices are cheaper as are their popcorn prices! And the staff was pretty nice. And we loved the movie! We might actually buy it, and that is really saying something!
After that we came back home, had some dinner, watched another movie for family movie night and then packed the kiddos off to bed.
So what was so exciting about the day that is warranted a blog post? Not much I guess, other than a note mentioning that we had a nice relaxing day as a family. No schedules to keep, no running around madly trying to get every last thing done, no bad attitudes or hurt feelings. Just us together, enjoying being together. I'm learning to count days like that as a reminder that God has given us all kinds of blessings that we normally take for granted. Good health for all of us, the financial means to treat ourselves to a movie, a spouse that I still like to sit next to in a movie theater, even if we both have kids on our laps. I hope I never take those kinds of days for granted!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Homemade Crackers--Are They Worth It?
I spent all of yesterday afternoon baking. And by all afternoon I mean that I started when lunch was over and cleaned up, around one, and had to leave the last pan in the oven as we were walking out the door for church last night at 5:45.
I wasn't planning on baking. In fact, I was looking forward to an afternoon with not much to do. But when we started getting lunch stuff out the girls informed me that there was no more bread in the house. Which reminded me that I didn't buy much bread last time we were at the store because I had planned on making my own. So I figured since we had no plans to go anywhere and I had nothing pressing to do, I would bake a couple loaves of bread.
However, once I started thinking about baking I remembered that I had two recipes that I wanted to try for home-made cheez-its and homemade goldfish. The cheez-its I had already made and we all liked, even Hubby. Again, I figured I had the time and the ingredients, let's get it all done at once.
I started with the bread. I've made my own bread before, but I tried a new recipe that didn't involve having to let the dough rise twice before baking. You make it and let it rise in the loaf pans for about 30 minutes and pop them in the oven. I like this much better than the two-three hours it was taking with my other recipe. After I get the dough in the loaf pan I realize that I also need dough for the pizza rolls I am making for dinner on Friday night. I read somewhere that you can freeze this dough and use it the day of and it still works great. I figured, why not? Get it all done now and not have to worry about it on Friday.
Then I get to work on the crackers. Now, these don't necessarily take that much effort. They are just time consuming because I have a tiny oven that only holds one baking pan at a time. Seriously--why are there no homes with full sized ovens anymore? I could have done 4 pans at once in a full size! So all told with the crackers I have 10 pans that need to be baked.
In the middle of this project I start to really question if this is worth my time or not. I have one friend who I know would tell me that they make cheez-its in a box for a reason. I have another who would applaud every effort I make to make everything we eat homemade. I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm a math person so I decided to figure out actual costs for these crackers. Just for the cheez-its it ended up that if I were to make these twice a month I would save about $8.
My immediate reaction was that there was no way this was worth $8! But then I remembered that $8 would buy a bag of chicken that would probably get us through two meals. Or if we were having tacos, which we do about once a week, that $8 would cover the entire meal for us. Once I realized that I felt pretty proud of myself and decided that the time spent was worth it.
Until 4 little minions came through and devoured about half of the cheez-its in one snack time. I'm not kidding--they ate almost half in one fail swoop. The pride I had in myself quickly diminished into faint annoyance.
Now, I do have to admit, the goldfish (which taste nothing like goldfish, by the way) made a lot more and will last longer. They also took FOREVER to get them all in and out of the oven. The blog I read for this recipe actually had the Mom making her own little fish cookie cutter out of a soda can and punching out a million tiny fish. There is no way!
So my final decision? Bread is worth making. The total cost per loaf is way less than a $1 and I know exactly what is in it. And not really that time consuming. Homemade crackers on the other hand? I'm going with friend A and saying, "Those things come in a box for a reason!"
I wasn't planning on baking. In fact, I was looking forward to an afternoon with not much to do. But when we started getting lunch stuff out the girls informed me that there was no more bread in the house. Which reminded me that I didn't buy much bread last time we were at the store because I had planned on making my own. So I figured since we had no plans to go anywhere and I had nothing pressing to do, I would bake a couple loaves of bread.
However, once I started thinking about baking I remembered that I had two recipes that I wanted to try for home-made cheez-its and homemade goldfish. The cheez-its I had already made and we all liked, even Hubby. Again, I figured I had the time and the ingredients, let's get it all done at once.
I started with the bread. I've made my own bread before, but I tried a new recipe that didn't involve having to let the dough rise twice before baking. You make it and let it rise in the loaf pans for about 30 minutes and pop them in the oven. I like this much better than the two-three hours it was taking with my other recipe. After I get the dough in the loaf pan I realize that I also need dough for the pizza rolls I am making for dinner on Friday night. I read somewhere that you can freeze this dough and use it the day of and it still works great. I figured, why not? Get it all done now and not have to worry about it on Friday.
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| Looks good right? And made with whole wheat flour! Who gets Mother of the Year now? |
In the middle of this project I start to really question if this is worth my time or not. I have one friend who I know would tell me that they make cheez-its in a box for a reason. I have another who would applaud every effort I make to make everything we eat homemade. I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm a math person so I decided to figure out actual costs for these crackers. Just for the cheez-its it ended up that if I were to make these twice a month I would save about $8.
 |
| Part of the cheez-its. They don't look all that appealing, but they're actually really good. |
Until 4 little minions came through and devoured about half of the cheez-its in one snack time. I'm not kidding--they ate almost half in one fail swoop. The pride I had in myself quickly diminished into faint annoyance.
Now, I do have to admit, the goldfish (which taste nothing like goldfish, by the way) made a lot more and will last longer. They also took FOREVER to get them all in and out of the oven. The blog I read for this recipe actually had the Mom making her own little fish cookie cutter out of a soda can and punching out a million tiny fish. There is no way!
 |
| Triangles are as fancy as I was willing to get! |
So my final decision? Bread is worth making. The total cost per loaf is way less than a $1 and I know exactly what is in it. And not really that time consuming. Homemade crackers on the other hand? I'm going with friend A and saying, "Those things come in a box for a reason!"
Monday, November 5, 2012
Princess Tea Party
We love princesses around here. We have jammies, clothing, coloring books, toys, books, utensils and probably more covered with princesses. The girls love playing princess, although for some reason lately they seem to be wanting to be the servant instead of the princess. I haven't listened closely enough to understand why.
So this last Saturday we had a princess tea party at our house. I won't take credit for the idea. A friend from church who has three daughters herself came up with the idea. We just happened to have it at our house.
And because of that, the girls all learned an important lesson. You may be a princess, but even princesses have to clean house before having guests over! I told them all that they were just acting like Cinderella before her ball. They did not appreciate my humor! Although I do have to say that they all handled the work load pretty well and without complaining.
We started off reading a book about all girls being a Princess because their Father is the King. Think Fancy Nancy with a God slant. I thought it was a really cute book, and perfect for the evening.
Then we all had some snacks. Yummy snacks too, I might add. We did actually have tea in tea cups for all the girls. There were enough Moms and Grandmas around to insure that no cups were dropped. That was pretty much my biggest fear of the evening!
Then we moved on to a craft. One of the dads had painstakingly cut out cardboard into the shape of an old-school phone receiver. The girls got to be-dazzle these phones and take them home so they have a phone to talk to God on. Once again, I thought it was an awesome idea. And the girls all seemed to really enjoy it. Some of the older girls thought they were really cool and decorated both sides of their phone. The end result was really nice.
Of course, no princess party would be complete without a couple of princes in the house. Hubby and another dad hung out with each other for the evening, trying to stay as far away from the glitter as possible!
All in all, I think everyone who came had a great time. My girls sure did. And it gave my girls a chance to become closer to some friends from church which I was glad for! We're already talking about the next time we can all get together. I think it is such a blessing to be able to enjoy being with your church family. I'm glad we have that here!
So this last Saturday we had a princess tea party at our house. I won't take credit for the idea. A friend from church who has three daughters herself came up with the idea. We just happened to have it at our house.
And because of that, the girls all learned an important lesson. You may be a princess, but even princesses have to clean house before having guests over! I told them all that they were just acting like Cinderella before her ball. They did not appreciate my humor! Although I do have to say that they all handled the work load pretty well and without complaining.
We started off reading a book about all girls being a Princess because their Father is the King. Think Fancy Nancy with a God slant. I thought it was a really cute book, and perfect for the evening.
Then we all had some snacks. Yummy snacks too, I might add. We did actually have tea in tea cups for all the girls. There were enough Moms and Grandmas around to insure that no cups were dropped. That was pretty much my biggest fear of the evening!
Then we moved on to a craft. One of the dads had painstakingly cut out cardboard into the shape of an old-school phone receiver. The girls got to be-dazzle these phones and take them home so they have a phone to talk to God on. Once again, I thought it was an awesome idea. And the girls all seemed to really enjoy it. Some of the older girls thought they were really cool and decorated both sides of their phone. The end result was really nice.
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| That's Baby Girl #4 in the front and Baby Girl #3 just to the left of her |
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| The older girls got a separate table. I think it was better for their sanity that way! |
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| It takes a special kind of Dad to show up to a Princess Tea Party! |
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| All God's beautiful princesses |
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I have a confession...
I had a little bit of a snit yesterday afternoon. And evening. Yep, I'm 30 and still getting into snits. *Sigh* One day maybe I won't anymore.
See it all started when I sat down at the beginning of the week and realized that we were getting paid on Wednesday and I would be able to go grocery shopping on Thursday. So I spent several hours going through all the new recipes I had found on Pinterest and got very excited about being able to make all these new dishes and try out the new crock pot that I've only been able to use once. It was all very exciting! What can I say, new recipes are fun! And I was excited to try making my own cheez-it like crackers and home made pretzels...I had a very long list y'all!
So I spent a couple hours printing off all the new recipes and putting them in page protectors and getting them in my nifty new recipe binder. I worked through a menu plan for the next two weeks, figuring out what meal would work best on which day and how to spread it out so we didn't have chicken for four days in a row. I also had to figure out what to make for our family night tomorrow night and a princess tea party we're having at our house on Saturday with a bunch of other little girls.
Then yesterday I actually wrote out the grocery list. It took a while. I had all new recipes to get ingredients off of and I was make the list for two weeks worth. I didn't want to have to go back to the store except for fresh stuff. I noticed the list was pretty long. So I decided to go through and estimate what everything was going to cost. I was over budget. Way over budget. Like $150 over budget. Ridiculous! So I'm looking at this list that I just spent hours making, a menu that wasn't going to work and all the work I had done printing out recipes that I now couldn't use. And I got upset.
A little bit of it was disappointment that I wouldn't be able to try out all these new recipes. Some of it was irritation that we're not wealthy enough for me to not have to worry about a grocery budget. Most of it was pure frustration that I had just wasted several hours of my life for absolutely nothing. Hubby tried to help by suggesting that I just take out a few meals and replace them with things that wouldn't cost as much. I tried that on a couple of meals, but that didn't help the overall cost all that much. Then hubby tried talking a little more firmly with me suggesting that my attitude probably wasn't what it was supposed to be. Yeah, I took that real well!
So like I said, I had a real nice snit going on.
This morning hubby woke me up with the information that he had some extra grocery money for me. Enough to cover everything I really wanted to do with the extra stuff cut out. I don't know where in our budget he got the extra from. I don't want to know. I do owe him an apology. Although, in my defense I had already decided to apologize before I got the extra grocery money. And maybe next time I'll learn to just add in a few new recipes instead of 13 new ones. And even better yet, maybe next time I'll remember that I should be thankful for the grocery money we do have instead of pouting like a child.
So I'm not perfect--God is still working on me daily. Thank goodness He won't ever give up on me!
See it all started when I sat down at the beginning of the week and realized that we were getting paid on Wednesday and I would be able to go grocery shopping on Thursday. So I spent several hours going through all the new recipes I had found on Pinterest and got very excited about being able to make all these new dishes and try out the new crock pot that I've only been able to use once. It was all very exciting! What can I say, new recipes are fun! And I was excited to try making my own cheez-it like crackers and home made pretzels...I had a very long list y'all!
So I spent a couple hours printing off all the new recipes and putting them in page protectors and getting them in my nifty new recipe binder. I worked through a menu plan for the next two weeks, figuring out what meal would work best on which day and how to spread it out so we didn't have chicken for four days in a row. I also had to figure out what to make for our family night tomorrow night and a princess tea party we're having at our house on Saturday with a bunch of other little girls.
Then yesterday I actually wrote out the grocery list. It took a while. I had all new recipes to get ingredients off of and I was make the list for two weeks worth. I didn't want to have to go back to the store except for fresh stuff. I noticed the list was pretty long. So I decided to go through and estimate what everything was going to cost. I was over budget. Way over budget. Like $150 over budget. Ridiculous! So I'm looking at this list that I just spent hours making, a menu that wasn't going to work and all the work I had done printing out recipes that I now couldn't use. And I got upset.
A little bit of it was disappointment that I wouldn't be able to try out all these new recipes. Some of it was irritation that we're not wealthy enough for me to not have to worry about a grocery budget. Most of it was pure frustration that I had just wasted several hours of my life for absolutely nothing. Hubby tried to help by suggesting that I just take out a few meals and replace them with things that wouldn't cost as much. I tried that on a couple of meals, but that didn't help the overall cost all that much. Then hubby tried talking a little more firmly with me suggesting that my attitude probably wasn't what it was supposed to be. Yeah, I took that real well!
So like I said, I had a real nice snit going on.
This morning hubby woke me up with the information that he had some extra grocery money for me. Enough to cover everything I really wanted to do with the extra stuff cut out. I don't know where in our budget he got the extra from. I don't want to know. I do owe him an apology. Although, in my defense I had already decided to apologize before I got the extra grocery money. And maybe next time I'll learn to just add in a few new recipes instead of 13 new ones. And even better yet, maybe next time I'll remember that I should be thankful for the grocery money we do have instead of pouting like a child.
So I'm not perfect--God is still working on me daily. Thank goodness He won't ever give up on me!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Part 3
I did not think it would take me three posts to get all the way through the memories, but I guess it is what it is. Almost done...
Saturday morning when we woke up I figured I would have plenty of time getting ready since I didn't have four children to get ready as well, but Mom and I ended up talking quite a bit and Dad ended up calling up the stairs for us asking when we were going to be ready. We weren't actually late, but we certainly didn't have any time to think before we left. I don't think that was a bad thing.
We got to the church after most of the family, but no one else was there for the funeral so Grandpa wanted to go in the church and look at the flowers that were there. He was doing ok until he got to the arrangement from him. The ribbon said "Goodbye My Love" and the card said "Save a place for me." He was ready to go over to the fellowship hall after that. Mom was walking with him and it was hard for her too. I remember not really focusing on anything while I was in there with them. I saw Grandma's picture they had in there, but I purposely didn't pay much attention. I remember talking to a couple of my cousins that were in there, but I don't remember what we were doing.
After that I walked over to the fellowship hall where all the family had gathered. We were all just kind of standing around talking. We all seemed pretty calm, I don't remember feeling apprehensive about the service. Right at 10 the funeral director came over to tell us they were almost ready for us to go over. Even then I still felt pretty calm and together. I ended up in the front pew between my Dad and one of my younger brothers. Walking in felt awkward, knowing that everyone was watching. Almost as soon as I sat down I couldn't look at anything except the picture of Grandma. I had a hard time with that. It was such a good picture of her, exactly what I remember her looking like. For some reason it all just kind of hit me right then.
I calmed down fairly quickly, but then they started the slide show. In hindsight I wish that I would have asked to watch it ahead of time, just to be better prepared. I liked watching the slide show and enjoyed seeing all the pictures of Grandma, but it was also really sad. There were a couple with Grandma and my girls and it was a reminder of the fact that my girls will never grow up knowing their Great-Grandma.
There was congregational singing during the service. I have never liked being in the congregation during a funeral and having to sing. It is just hard and emotional and I always wondered why they didn't just have recorded music. But now that I have been one of the family members I understand. I wasn't able to sing hardly at all, but listening to the congregation sing, knowing that congregational singing was one of Grandma's favorite things, was very comforting. I think in the future I'll try harder to sing during funerals for that reason.
A former preacher who has been a friend of the family for as long as I can remember officiated the memorial service. As soon as I found out he was the one doing it I thought that there couldn't have been anyone better to do it. And I was right. He did a fantastic job. I don't remember much of what he said, but I do remember him extolling the family to not disappoint Grandma and to not disappoint ourselves by not living our lives as God has commanded. I appreciated him saying that.
A member of the congregation there said a beautiful prayer. Again, I don't actually remember anything that he specifically said, but I do remember thinking it was a beautiful prayer and so perfect for Grandma's service. I didn't get the chance to tell him that before he left, so I hope someone else told him.
My younger brother got up for all the grandkids and told the memories that we had discussed the night before. He did an amazing job. I was very proud of him. My Uncle N got up for Grandma's kids and told their memories as well. He also did a wonderful job. Even though most of us had heard the memories before, it was still a special time during the service.
All of the grandkids that were there sang a song for Grandma. Being my usually bossy self, the night before when we practiced I suggested to everyone else that if they wanted to get through the song that they shouldn't try to look at anyone and to not think about the words they were singing. Too bad I didn't heed my own advice. I made it until the last chorus and then I was done. We also listened to a recording all 16 of the grandkids made back in 1997 when we sang some songs for Grandma and Grandpa. It was funny listening to all our little voices and also sweet remember how Grandma told me that she listened to that tape quite a bit.
One other thing I remember about the service is that I had moments of thinking, "I'm really never going to see her again." I think I said this before, but Grandma is the first person I've been really close to that has passed away. So it was weird being in the service, knowing that it was for Grandma, but still having moments that were so painful they took my breath away because it would hit that this is for real. Every time I looked at her picture it hurt worse because I thought about how I would never see her smile again or get to hold her hand or hear her voice telling me that Gold Medal flour is the only acceptable flour to use for baking. Having it hit me like that felt odd, but one of my brothers said the same kind of thing happened to him.
The last song we sang was a poignant moment. For whatever reason, during that song I was hit with a memory of sitting next to Grandma singing that song. I heard her alto voice just like she was sitting right next to me. And I had a vivid memory of her reaching over and holding my hand. I remembered exactly how soft and cool her hands always felt. I just closed my eyes and let those memories surround me. As painful as it was, it also felt good to remember her like that.
Leaving after the service was also really difficult, although I haven't been able to figure out why. For whatever reason, walking out of the building was one of the more difficult times. I don't know if it was because it meant everything was final or it was just a buildup of all the emotions or what. But I wasn't the only one who had a hard time. The family was able to spend a few minutes together again sharing our mutual grief, which felt right.
All in all I think the memorial service was exactly what I envisioned it would be. I cried through most of it. I felt bad for my Dad trying to comfort me on one side and my Mom on the other. And for my brother who was trying to comfort me and deal with his own grief. It was really difficult going through that without Hubby by my side. I've leaned on him as my rock for the last 12 years and to not have him there felt wrong. On the other hand, not having the girls there was a bit of a relief. I wouldn't have been able to grieve the same with them there. And I wouldn't have been able to just do what I needed to do for myself if I was having to be a mom as well. But I couldn't have Hubby there without also having the girls there. I honestly don't know if I could do it over if I would do the same thing or if I would have Hubby and the girls there. I'm content with saying that God knew what I needed for the weekend and provided for it.
We had a meal after the service. I was able to see and visit with people that I haven't seen in several years as well as spending some time with a good friend from CA who came. I was back and forth between the sanctuary and fellowship hall a lot. I looked at all the flowers and who they came from and just spent time sitting and taking it all in. I don't remember what time we actually left, but it was in the early afternoon before we all cleared out.
All the family that was left got together for dinner that night. Grandma's two remaining sisters had been there with us the entire time and I felt like their presence was nice for the family. It was almost like they were filling a matriarchal role. The evening was spent with more laughter and noise which was a perfect way to end the weekend. Hopefully we'll all get to be together again for a family reunion next summer. It won't be the same without Grandma there, but I think it would make her happy to think about all of us being together.
Our van load packed up and left about 5 am Sunday morning. It was a long couple of days, but I made it home Tuesday afternoon. It was good to be home! I talked with Hubby quite a while and just kind of told him everything and it was very emotional going over it again with him. And it has been pretty emotional writing all this down as well. But I think that is a good thing. I want to remember these things, even the painful parts. Losing Grandma has been difficult and I want to honor the grief that I've felt, am feeling and will feel in the future.
Thank you for taking the time to read my mini-series on this. I will never know who all has read this, but just knowing that I was able to put it all down was healing for me. I appreciate you sharing in that with me.
ARC
Saturday morning when we woke up I figured I would have plenty of time getting ready since I didn't have four children to get ready as well, but Mom and I ended up talking quite a bit and Dad ended up calling up the stairs for us asking when we were going to be ready. We weren't actually late, but we certainly didn't have any time to think before we left. I don't think that was a bad thing.
We got to the church after most of the family, but no one else was there for the funeral so Grandpa wanted to go in the church and look at the flowers that were there. He was doing ok until he got to the arrangement from him. The ribbon said "Goodbye My Love" and the card said "Save a place for me." He was ready to go over to the fellowship hall after that. Mom was walking with him and it was hard for her too. I remember not really focusing on anything while I was in there with them. I saw Grandma's picture they had in there, but I purposely didn't pay much attention. I remember talking to a couple of my cousins that were in there, but I don't remember what we were doing.
After that I walked over to the fellowship hall where all the family had gathered. We were all just kind of standing around talking. We all seemed pretty calm, I don't remember feeling apprehensive about the service. Right at 10 the funeral director came over to tell us they were almost ready for us to go over. Even then I still felt pretty calm and together. I ended up in the front pew between my Dad and one of my younger brothers. Walking in felt awkward, knowing that everyone was watching. Almost as soon as I sat down I couldn't look at anything except the picture of Grandma. I had a hard time with that. It was such a good picture of her, exactly what I remember her looking like. For some reason it all just kind of hit me right then.
I calmed down fairly quickly, but then they started the slide show. In hindsight I wish that I would have asked to watch it ahead of time, just to be better prepared. I liked watching the slide show and enjoyed seeing all the pictures of Grandma, but it was also really sad. There were a couple with Grandma and my girls and it was a reminder of the fact that my girls will never grow up knowing their Great-Grandma.
There was congregational singing during the service. I have never liked being in the congregation during a funeral and having to sing. It is just hard and emotional and I always wondered why they didn't just have recorded music. But now that I have been one of the family members I understand. I wasn't able to sing hardly at all, but listening to the congregation sing, knowing that congregational singing was one of Grandma's favorite things, was very comforting. I think in the future I'll try harder to sing during funerals for that reason.
A former preacher who has been a friend of the family for as long as I can remember officiated the memorial service. As soon as I found out he was the one doing it I thought that there couldn't have been anyone better to do it. And I was right. He did a fantastic job. I don't remember much of what he said, but I do remember him extolling the family to not disappoint Grandma and to not disappoint ourselves by not living our lives as God has commanded. I appreciated him saying that.
A member of the congregation there said a beautiful prayer. Again, I don't actually remember anything that he specifically said, but I do remember thinking it was a beautiful prayer and so perfect for Grandma's service. I didn't get the chance to tell him that before he left, so I hope someone else told him.
My younger brother got up for all the grandkids and told the memories that we had discussed the night before. He did an amazing job. I was very proud of him. My Uncle N got up for Grandma's kids and told their memories as well. He also did a wonderful job. Even though most of us had heard the memories before, it was still a special time during the service.
All of the grandkids that were there sang a song for Grandma. Being my usually bossy self, the night before when we practiced I suggested to everyone else that if they wanted to get through the song that they shouldn't try to look at anyone and to not think about the words they were singing. Too bad I didn't heed my own advice. I made it until the last chorus and then I was done. We also listened to a recording all 16 of the grandkids made back in 1997 when we sang some songs for Grandma and Grandpa. It was funny listening to all our little voices and also sweet remember how Grandma told me that she listened to that tape quite a bit.
One other thing I remember about the service is that I had moments of thinking, "I'm really never going to see her again." I think I said this before, but Grandma is the first person I've been really close to that has passed away. So it was weird being in the service, knowing that it was for Grandma, but still having moments that were so painful they took my breath away because it would hit that this is for real. Every time I looked at her picture it hurt worse because I thought about how I would never see her smile again or get to hold her hand or hear her voice telling me that Gold Medal flour is the only acceptable flour to use for baking. Having it hit me like that felt odd, but one of my brothers said the same kind of thing happened to him.
The last song we sang was a poignant moment. For whatever reason, during that song I was hit with a memory of sitting next to Grandma singing that song. I heard her alto voice just like she was sitting right next to me. And I had a vivid memory of her reaching over and holding my hand. I remembered exactly how soft and cool her hands always felt. I just closed my eyes and let those memories surround me. As painful as it was, it also felt good to remember her like that.
Leaving after the service was also really difficult, although I haven't been able to figure out why. For whatever reason, walking out of the building was one of the more difficult times. I don't know if it was because it meant everything was final or it was just a buildup of all the emotions or what. But I wasn't the only one who had a hard time. The family was able to spend a few minutes together again sharing our mutual grief, which felt right.
All in all I think the memorial service was exactly what I envisioned it would be. I cried through most of it. I felt bad for my Dad trying to comfort me on one side and my Mom on the other. And for my brother who was trying to comfort me and deal with his own grief. It was really difficult going through that without Hubby by my side. I've leaned on him as my rock for the last 12 years and to not have him there felt wrong. On the other hand, not having the girls there was a bit of a relief. I wouldn't have been able to grieve the same with them there. And I wouldn't have been able to just do what I needed to do for myself if I was having to be a mom as well. But I couldn't have Hubby there without also having the girls there. I honestly don't know if I could do it over if I would do the same thing or if I would have Hubby and the girls there. I'm content with saying that God knew what I needed for the weekend and provided for it.
We had a meal after the service. I was able to see and visit with people that I haven't seen in several years as well as spending some time with a good friend from CA who came. I was back and forth between the sanctuary and fellowship hall a lot. I looked at all the flowers and who they came from and just spent time sitting and taking it all in. I don't remember what time we actually left, but it was in the early afternoon before we all cleared out.
All the family that was left got together for dinner that night. Grandma's two remaining sisters had been there with us the entire time and I felt like their presence was nice for the family. It was almost like they were filling a matriarchal role. The evening was spent with more laughter and noise which was a perfect way to end the weekend. Hopefully we'll all get to be together again for a family reunion next summer. It won't be the same without Grandma there, but I think it would make her happy to think about all of us being together.
Our van load packed up and left about 5 am Sunday morning. It was a long couple of days, but I made it home Tuesday afternoon. It was good to be home! I talked with Hubby quite a while and just kind of told him everything and it was very emotional going over it again with him. And it has been pretty emotional writing all this down as well. But I think that is a good thing. I want to remember these things, even the painful parts. Losing Grandma has been difficult and I want to honor the grief that I've felt, am feeling and will feel in the future.
Thank you for taking the time to read my mini-series on this. I will never know who all has read this, but just knowing that I was able to put it all down was healing for me. I appreciate you sharing in that with me.
ARC
Friday, October 26, 2012
Memorial Service Part 2
I was completely exhausted by the time we got to my aunt and uncle's house Friday night. Getting up at 4 am, not really sleeping at all for the 12 hours in the car, and a two hour time difference all started to add up. But once we got to the house I kind of forgot about being tired. I thought I was prepared for seeing everyone, but I wasn't. I started crying almost as soon as I walked in the door. The nice thing is that with the exception of one person, everyone there was family. And the extra person is like family. So there was no awkward moments or people being uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. We were all able to just hug and have that be enough.
I don't know how many people were at the house exactly. Well over 40. And it was loud. It always is with our family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. At one point I was sitting on the couch not currently talking to anyone and I just sat and listened to everyone and had to smile. That is what our family is all about. Even in the midst of sadness we can talk and laugh and enjoy each other. I thought about what Grandma would think if she saw us all together and I could see the smile that would have been on her face.
After a couple of hours some of the extended family left and the immediate family sat down and started talking about memories of Grandma. We of course talked about her baking cookies. We almost didn't even have to talk about it, we all had the same memories of Grandma baking her cookies and passing that knowledge down to us. We shared funny stories about her as a person and about memories the grandkids had. It was a nice time to sit around and share that with each other.
My Aunt D shared that one of the nights Grandma was in the hospital and was having a pretty rough time that Grandma prayed she wouldn't be a burden to the nursing staff and that she would be a light to everyone she came in contact with. That is how I hope I can be if I am every seriously ill. Grace, compassion and wanting to share Jesus in every situation.
I was sitting on the floor when we were done talking about the memories and my Mom was sitting across the room with Grandpa and I heard him telling Mom something. I couldn't make out everything he said but then Mom came over and sat on the floor with me and she told me that on two separate occasions the day before she passed away Grandma told her sister and Grandpa that she could hear the angels singing. Grandpa said that when they had finally made the decision to give her the pain medication Sunday night he went in to tell her good-night and she was still in a lot of pain but she put her hand on his arm and said, "I can hear the angels singing. They're so beautiful!" I had a hard time with that. I'm so glad she had that experience, but it still makes me sad to think about it. I honestly don't know why. Maybe some day I'll figure it out.
After that my cousin P wanted all the grandkids that were there to make some of Grandma's cookies together. We all put our hands in the bowl and mixed the ingredients and all shared in putting them on the cookie sheets. It was a time of laughter more than anything else. All of us had been taught by Grandma how to make the cookies and it was fun to reminiscence about those times. And to be perfectly honest, it was fun to stick our hands in cookie dough!
All in all it was just a good time with family. I was tired and pretty much sleep walking by the time we left around 10, but it was worth it.
One other thing I want to remember. My sister's boyfriend wrote a really nice post on FB that night after sharing those experiences with us. It basically said he was amazed at the love our family had for one another. It really made me stop and think. Its so easy when you know all the dirty laundry of your family to think that no one is quite as dysfunctional as your family. But in all reality, even though we have our issues, when it comes down to it, our family does have a great love for one another. And we are bound even tighter by the love of Christ. And I am extremely thankful for that!
I don't know how many people were at the house exactly. Well over 40. And it was loud. It always is with our family. And I wouldn't have it any other way. At one point I was sitting on the couch not currently talking to anyone and I just sat and listened to everyone and had to smile. That is what our family is all about. Even in the midst of sadness we can talk and laugh and enjoy each other. I thought about what Grandma would think if she saw us all together and I could see the smile that would have been on her face.
After a couple of hours some of the extended family left and the immediate family sat down and started talking about memories of Grandma. We of course talked about her baking cookies. We almost didn't even have to talk about it, we all had the same memories of Grandma baking her cookies and passing that knowledge down to us. We shared funny stories about her as a person and about memories the grandkids had. It was a nice time to sit around and share that with each other.
My Aunt D shared that one of the nights Grandma was in the hospital and was having a pretty rough time that Grandma prayed she wouldn't be a burden to the nursing staff and that she would be a light to everyone she came in contact with. That is how I hope I can be if I am every seriously ill. Grace, compassion and wanting to share Jesus in every situation.
I was sitting on the floor when we were done talking about the memories and my Mom was sitting across the room with Grandpa and I heard him telling Mom something. I couldn't make out everything he said but then Mom came over and sat on the floor with me and she told me that on two separate occasions the day before she passed away Grandma told her sister and Grandpa that she could hear the angels singing. Grandpa said that when they had finally made the decision to give her the pain medication Sunday night he went in to tell her good-night and she was still in a lot of pain but she put her hand on his arm and said, "I can hear the angels singing. They're so beautiful!" I had a hard time with that. I'm so glad she had that experience, but it still makes me sad to think about it. I honestly don't know why. Maybe some day I'll figure it out.
After that my cousin P wanted all the grandkids that were there to make some of Grandma's cookies together. We all put our hands in the bowl and mixed the ingredients and all shared in putting them on the cookie sheets. It was a time of laughter more than anything else. All of us had been taught by Grandma how to make the cookies and it was fun to reminiscence about those times. And to be perfectly honest, it was fun to stick our hands in cookie dough!
All in all it was just a good time with family. I was tired and pretty much sleep walking by the time we left around 10, but it was worth it.
One other thing I want to remember. My sister's boyfriend wrote a really nice post on FB that night after sharing those experiences with us. It basically said he was amazed at the love our family had for one another. It really made me stop and think. Its so easy when you know all the dirty laundry of your family to think that no one is quite as dysfunctional as your family. But in all reality, even though we have our issues, when it comes down to it, our family does have a great love for one another. And we are bound even tighter by the love of Christ. And I am extremely thankful for that!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Memorial Service Part One
I was debating about what to write about for these next few posts. I feel like I've been talking about losing my Grandma a lot on here and on Facebook and I wondered if people were getting tired of hearing about it. I have seen first hand that most people are not comfortable dealing with others grief for very long. I think it is just human nature. Even seeing other people grieve causes us pain and human nature is to shy away from anything that causes pain. Therefore, most people aren't comfortable when you continue to talk about your loss after a few days because it is easier for them for you to grieve in private.
But then I realized that my whole purpose in writing this blog is to have a record of our family. The good and the bad. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I wanted to write down the memories I have of my Grandma's memorial so that I can come back in a year or two years or five years and be able to have a written record of what happened and what I felt at the time. So, in as condensed a version as possible...
I took off on Wednesday and drove to my brother and sister-in-law's house to stay the night with them. I'm glad I have a good relationship with both of them and am always able to be with them and feel welcomed. Traveling by myself was interesting. I can't remember the last time I drove 5 hours all by myself. I think I might actually prefer having the girls with me. Ask me again after I travel with them again.
Thursday my brother, sis-in-law and I drove about 12 hours after dropping off their daughter with another set of grandparents and heading west to meet our family. The drive was as nice as 12 hours in the car can be. Again, glad I get along with both of them.
Thursday night I stayed with some friends of ours. Actually, I consider them friends and mentors and it was really nice to see them for a few hours, even if the reason for it kinda stunk.
Friday morning we met up with the rest of the family and headed out around 5. We rented a 12 passenger van and had 8 adults going. My Dad, myself, aforementioned brother and sister-in-law, another brother and sister-in-law, actual sister and her boyfriend. Did I mention that I have 5 siblings? Good luck keeping all of us straight.
The good news is that all of us made it in the van traveling for another 12 hours with no one getting stabbed in the neck with a pencil. Other than a few complaints about how cold I needed it to be to not throw up in the back, it wasn't a bad trip. As a side note--I found that after the first few hours everyone preferred my sitting up front to me sitting in the back and freezing them out. It totally wasn't my intention to spend the entire trip in the front seat. Not my intention at all.
We arrived about 5 pm Friday night, got everyone else settled in the hotel and headed to my uncle and aunt's house to spend time with family.
I think that's enough for now. I'll write about the rest of the trip next time.
But then I realized that my whole purpose in writing this blog is to have a record of our family. The good and the bad. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I wanted to write down the memories I have of my Grandma's memorial so that I can come back in a year or two years or five years and be able to have a written record of what happened and what I felt at the time. So, in as condensed a version as possible...
I took off on Wednesday and drove to my brother and sister-in-law's house to stay the night with them. I'm glad I have a good relationship with both of them and am always able to be with them and feel welcomed. Traveling by myself was interesting. I can't remember the last time I drove 5 hours all by myself. I think I might actually prefer having the girls with me. Ask me again after I travel with them again.
Thursday my brother, sis-in-law and I drove about 12 hours after dropping off their daughter with another set of grandparents and heading west to meet our family. The drive was as nice as 12 hours in the car can be. Again, glad I get along with both of them.
Thursday night I stayed with some friends of ours. Actually, I consider them friends and mentors and it was really nice to see them for a few hours, even if the reason for it kinda stunk.
Friday morning we met up with the rest of the family and headed out around 5. We rented a 12 passenger van and had 8 adults going. My Dad, myself, aforementioned brother and sister-in-law, another brother and sister-in-law, actual sister and her boyfriend. Did I mention that I have 5 siblings? Good luck keeping all of us straight.
The good news is that all of us made it in the van traveling for another 12 hours with no one getting stabbed in the neck with a pencil. Other than a few complaints about how cold I needed it to be to not throw up in the back, it wasn't a bad trip. As a side note--I found that after the first few hours everyone preferred my sitting up front to me sitting in the back and freezing them out. It totally wasn't my intention to spend the entire trip in the front seat. Not my intention at all.
We arrived about 5 pm Friday night, got everyone else settled in the hotel and headed to my uncle and aunt's house to spend time with family.
I think that's enough for now. I'll write about the rest of the trip next time.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Change of Plans
So, we homeschool. There are a lot of different reasons we homeschool. The biggest reason I'm thankful for right now is the ability to be flexible. Hubby's days off are Friday and Saturday. So I've worked out our school year to have 4 day weeks to where we don't do school on Fridays. We all enjoy having a long weekend each week! Its worked well for us so far.
But with my Grandma passing away last week and the camping trip we already had planned, school got kind of pushed to the back burner. We didn't do school at all last week and since I didn't get home until yesterday, Monday and Tuesday were a no go as well. If I was the perfect mother I would have jumped out of bed this morning, ready to get back at it. Instead I am still sitting in my PJs doing different things on the computer.
I've decided that today is going to be spent getting winter clothes out and washed and going to the library. That's all. I wondered briefly if I should feel guilty about that, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have to answer to anyone for what our school year looks like. I know a lot of people who don't homeschool are horrified about that fact. "No one to make sure you're doing it right? How are you sure your children are getting a good education?" And for someone who has a public school mentality I guess that is a fair question. But for homeschoolers, we are the ones making sure we do it right. And "right" looks different for every family.
My solution to an extra week off of school that wasn't planned is that for the rest of 2012 we'll be doing school on Fridays. Its easier than trying to cram more into Monday through Thursday and it ensures that we get the full two weeks around Christmas that we take off. I need that full two weeks, thank you very much!
So no, I'm not perfect when it comes to homeschooling. But being flexible ensures that I don't have to be perfect. We take each day as it comes and change what we need to for the next day! And that is just one reason I love homeschooling!
But with my Grandma passing away last week and the camping trip we already had planned, school got kind of pushed to the back burner. We didn't do school at all last week and since I didn't get home until yesterday, Monday and Tuesday were a no go as well. If I was the perfect mother I would have jumped out of bed this morning, ready to get back at it. Instead I am still sitting in my PJs doing different things on the computer.
I've decided that today is going to be spent getting winter clothes out and washed and going to the library. That's all. I wondered briefly if I should feel guilty about that, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have to answer to anyone for what our school year looks like. I know a lot of people who don't homeschool are horrified about that fact. "No one to make sure you're doing it right? How are you sure your children are getting a good education?" And for someone who has a public school mentality I guess that is a fair question. But for homeschoolers, we are the ones making sure we do it right. And "right" looks different for every family.
My solution to an extra week off of school that wasn't planned is that for the rest of 2012 we'll be doing school on Fridays. Its easier than trying to cram more into Monday through Thursday and it ensures that we get the full two weeks around Christmas that we take off. I need that full two weeks, thank you very much!
So no, I'm not perfect when it comes to homeschooling. But being flexible ensures that I don't have to be perfect. We take each day as it comes and change what we need to for the next day! And that is just one reason I love homeschooling!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Finally HOME!
I'm finally back home. After almost a week, a 3000 mile road trip and a funeral. I've learned some things this last week.
Traveling by myself in the car is so BORING!!! The only relief is when there is a large grass fire on the side of the road. But that only took up like 5 minutes of my time.
Traveling in a 12 passenger van with my Dad, 3 siblings and their significant others is anything but boring!
I can get up at 4 am for 3 out of 4 days and still function in the real world.
Getting together with my extended family, even for something as sad as my Grandma's memorial service, still involves a lot of noise, laughter and chocolate chip cookies.
Hubby by himself, 4 kids, camping trip for 4 days. Enough said.
Grief is funny. I was fine all day today, but when I got home and started talking to Hubby it was like I was re-living the memorial service all over again.
There is no place like home.
Traveling by myself in the car is so BORING!!! The only relief is when there is a large grass fire on the side of the road. But that only took up like 5 minutes of my time.
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| It looked much more impressive in real life |
Traveling in a 12 passenger van with my Dad, 3 siblings and their significant others is anything but boring!
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| So they're all sleeping in this picture, but it was fun when everyone was awake! |
I can get up at 4 am for 3 out of 4 days and still function in the real world.
Getting together with my extended family, even for something as sad as my Grandma's memorial service, still involves a lot of noise, laughter and chocolate chip cookies.
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| Most of the grand kids making cookies, exactly to Grandma's specifications! |
Hubby by himself, 4 kids, camping trip for 4 days. Enough said.
Grief is funny. I was fine all day today, but when I got home and started talking to Hubby it was like I was re-living the memorial service all over again.
There is no place like home.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
And, we're off!
I just sent Hubby and the girls off on their camping trip. I'm sad that I don't get to go with them, but so thankful to have a husband who is willing and able to take four children on a camping trip without me. Granted, his parents will be there as well as another family, but the fact remains that the brunt of the work falls on him. Remember when I said he was exactly the husband and father I knew he would be? Yeah--I meant it!
I'm leaving in a few hours to go to my brother and sister-in-law's house, stay the night there and then we'll start our trek out for the memorial service on Thursday. I'm thankful for the time I'll get to spend with my family on this trip. It will make it much easier than trying to make the trip alone! Being with family is always better!
But before I go I am going to do some serious cleaning! Hubby's parents have been here for a little over two weeks and I let the housework slide while they were here. I'm going to work like mad without the kids around and get everything all sparkly again so it is nice and clean when Hubby and the girls get home. I'm fully aware that it won't be like that by the time I get home, but I'm ok with that. Hubby likes a clean house too!
I'm leaving in a few hours to go to my brother and sister-in-law's house, stay the night there and then we'll start our trek out for the memorial service on Thursday. I'm thankful for the time I'll get to spend with my family on this trip. It will make it much easier than trying to make the trip alone! Being with family is always better!
But before I go I am going to do some serious cleaning! Hubby's parents have been here for a little over two weeks and I let the housework slide while they were here. I'm going to work like mad without the kids around and get everything all sparkly again so it is nice and clean when Hubby and the girls get home. I'm fully aware that it won't be like that by the time I get home, but I'm ok with that. Hubby likes a clean house too!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
For my Grandma
Yesterday and today were rough. I've been really busy getting the family packed up for a camping trip. Which has kept me busy, but still, I'm exhausted. Hubby says I'm probably not sleeping well, which could also account for me waking up the last two days with a headache. I feel like there is a weight on my heart all the time. I'll go along and be fine for several hours and then something will hit me and I'll start crying again.
I'm leaving tomorrow to start traveling to the memorial service which will be on Saturday. Its going to be a long, but really quick trip. I actually think we'll be driving for longer than we'll be out of the car. But I get to travel with three siblings, my Dad and various in-laws. I think will be good for all of us. As long as they stay out of my space on the car seat anyway!
There have been a lot of memories of Grandma floating around in my head that I wanted to write down.
I remember baking with her. She always let me help her, even though I know I was more of a hindrance than a help until I got older. I don't remember her ever getting cross or upset with me when I was helping her, even when I burned six cups of sugar because I was watching tv instead of stirring.
I remember swimming a lot in their pool. I remember that she didn't get in very often with us, but when she did she would always just sit on a step on the side. I only learned a few years ago that she was actually terrified of the water. She never let that show when we were little though.
I remember how cool it was to walk down to Grandma and Grandpa's to spend the night. Grandma pretty much let me do what I wanted to!
I remember how she always let me play in her jewelry, even though some of it was expensive. She still has the same jewelry box and I can still hear the sound of the music that would play when I would open the drawer.
I remember having our entire family together at holidays. Grandma handled cooking for 26 people in a small kitchen with a lot of grace!
I remember once I got older how Grandma would want to "talk" to me. Sometimes that meant that she had something she wanted to tell me about that she thought I might need to work on, but sometimes it just meant that she wanted a little one on one time with me. It always made me feel special.
I remember watching Grandma holding my first child, her first great-grandchild. I remember thinking how glad I was that she was still there to be a part of my children's lives.
I remember how excited she was about sharing a birthday with Baby Girl #3. I hadn't thought of that until I was looking through pictures last night and saw one of her holding Baby Girl on their birthday. I am glad that I will always be able to remember my Grandma on my daughter's birthday.
I remember her laugh, how she would throw her head back and just laugh without abandon. I remember how she would tease and play with us, even when we thought we were too old to tease.
I remember her chocolate chip cookie dough, without nuts, just for me.
I remember the sound of her singing.
I remember her smile.
I remember her hugs and kisses.
I remember her.
I miss you Grandma...
I'm leaving tomorrow to start traveling to the memorial service which will be on Saturday. Its going to be a long, but really quick trip. I actually think we'll be driving for longer than we'll be out of the car. But I get to travel with three siblings, my Dad and various in-laws. I think will be good for all of us. As long as they stay out of my space on the car seat anyway!
There have been a lot of memories of Grandma floating around in my head that I wanted to write down.
I remember baking with her. She always let me help her, even though I know I was more of a hindrance than a help until I got older. I don't remember her ever getting cross or upset with me when I was helping her, even when I burned six cups of sugar because I was watching tv instead of stirring.
I remember swimming a lot in their pool. I remember that she didn't get in very often with us, but when she did she would always just sit on a step on the side. I only learned a few years ago that she was actually terrified of the water. She never let that show when we were little though.
I remember how cool it was to walk down to Grandma and Grandpa's to spend the night. Grandma pretty much let me do what I wanted to!
I remember how she always let me play in her jewelry, even though some of it was expensive. She still has the same jewelry box and I can still hear the sound of the music that would play when I would open the drawer.
I remember having our entire family together at holidays. Grandma handled cooking for 26 people in a small kitchen with a lot of grace!
I remember once I got older how Grandma would want to "talk" to me. Sometimes that meant that she had something she wanted to tell me about that she thought I might need to work on, but sometimes it just meant that she wanted a little one on one time with me. It always made me feel special.
I remember watching Grandma holding my first child, her first great-grandchild. I remember thinking how glad I was that she was still there to be a part of my children's lives.
I remember how excited she was about sharing a birthday with Baby Girl #3. I hadn't thought of that until I was looking through pictures last night and saw one of her holding Baby Girl on their birthday. I am glad that I will always be able to remember my Grandma on my daughter's birthday.
I remember her laugh, how she would throw her head back and just laugh without abandon. I remember how she would tease and play with us, even when we thought we were too old to tease.
I remember her chocolate chip cookie dough, without nuts, just for me.
I remember the sound of her singing.
I remember her smile.
I remember her hugs and kisses.
I remember her.
I miss you Grandma...
Monday, October 15, 2012
Grandma
My Grandma passed away this morning. She was diagnosed with leukemia a little over three months ago. She was in the hospital for 2 months receiving various treatments and had been home off and on for about a month. We thought the leukemia was in remission, but Saturday night she had to go back to the hospital and they put her in the ICU. Once the doctors looked at all of her blood work they decided the leukemia had returned and there was no chance of curing her. Once that diagnosis was given, Grandpa, my Mom, and her three brothers made the difficult decision to make Grandma as comfortable as possible knowing that she didn't have long to live.
I've been hurting since I found out they were putting her in the ICU. Even throughout her long hospital stay she was fairly healthy, other than having cancer. A week ago she was up and walking and seemed to be doing fine. When I heard they put her in the ICU I knew things must have taken a serious turn for the worse.
I hurt for my Grandpa. I can't imagine watching your spouse of 58 years be in immense pain and having to make the decision to ease her pain, even knowing that would eventually end her life. Now he is facing the rest of his life without his mate. How do you do that?
I hurt for my Mom. She wasn't able to make it to be with Grandma before she passed. Even though she was with her just a few weeks ago, being several states away and not able to see Grandma one last time was difficult for her. Now she has to live the rest of her life without talking to her Mom anymore. I can't fathom not being able to talk to my Mom.
I hurt for me. I lived down the street from Grandma until I was 13 years old. I have the best memories of being down at Grandma and Grandpa's house and all the fun things we got to do when we were kids. I have warm memories of the visits I got to have with Grandma when I got older and how nice it was to be an adult with her. The knowledge that I'll never see her on earth again, never get another hug, never see her smile makes me cry.
But through the pain I have amazing peace. My Grandma was a Christian all of her life. She lived her life in such a way that I know she will receive an eternal inheritance with Christ. And even better is the knowledge that God has provided a way for me to see her again by living my life as He has commanded. So while our time together on earth was not as long as I would have wanted, I rest in the fact that we get to spend eternity together!
I've been hurting since I found out they were putting her in the ICU. Even throughout her long hospital stay she was fairly healthy, other than having cancer. A week ago she was up and walking and seemed to be doing fine. When I heard they put her in the ICU I knew things must have taken a serious turn for the worse.
I hurt for my Grandpa. I can't imagine watching your spouse of 58 years be in immense pain and having to make the decision to ease her pain, even knowing that would eventually end her life. Now he is facing the rest of his life without his mate. How do you do that?
I hurt for my Mom. She wasn't able to make it to be with Grandma before she passed. Even though she was with her just a few weeks ago, being several states away and not able to see Grandma one last time was difficult for her. Now she has to live the rest of her life without talking to her Mom anymore. I can't fathom not being able to talk to my Mom.
I hurt for me. I lived down the street from Grandma until I was 13 years old. I have the best memories of being down at Grandma and Grandpa's house and all the fun things we got to do when we were kids. I have warm memories of the visits I got to have with Grandma when I got older and how nice it was to be an adult with her. The knowledge that I'll never see her on earth again, never get another hug, never see her smile makes me cry.
But through the pain I have amazing peace. My Grandma was a Christian all of her life. She lived her life in such a way that I know she will receive an eternal inheritance with Christ. And even better is the knowledge that God has provided a way for me to see her again by living my life as He has commanded. So while our time together on earth was not as long as I would have wanted, I rest in the fact that we get to spend eternity together!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Man, I hate potty training!
All of it! I dislike every single aspect of the potty training experience. The constant trips to the bathroom, watching the kid all the time trying to figure out if she needs to go so you don't have a mess to clean up. Trying to convince them they need to tell you when they need to go so you don't have to stop what you're doing every hour to take them. Trying to keep a little two year old bottom on a public toilet seat without them falling in. It's exhausting and disgusting!
I'll spare you the details of what I had to deal with this afternoon. Parents who have potty trained know what I'm talking about. Those who haven't potty trained don't want to know. And for those of you who have it coming, well, you probably should have skipped reading this. Sorry, I'll try to put a spoiler alert on here next time.
The only good thing about potty training is the end result. When they are fully potty trained and can go to the bathroom all by themselves every time. Which is actually still a few years away. *Sigh* I really hate potty training!
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| Yep, this is the munchkin that inspired this post! |
I'll spare you the details of what I had to deal with this afternoon. Parents who have potty trained know what I'm talking about. Those who haven't potty trained don't want to know. And for those of you who have it coming, well, you probably should have skipped reading this. Sorry, I'll try to put a spoiler alert on here next time.
The only good thing about potty training is the end result. When they are fully potty trained and can go to the bathroom all by themselves every time. Which is actually still a few years away. *Sigh* I really hate potty training!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
"Help in our weakness"
Last night I found out some information about the real estate agent who our house is listed with. For those who don't know, we moved to BR without being able to sell our house where we lived before. So we're making a mortgage payment and a rent payment. It has been difficult to say the least. I struggle with worry and fear and downright despair pretty much every day. But I had pretty much gotten to a place where I was OK with whatever God had in store for us in regards to the house. Even if we go another 6 months and end up having to let it go I think I would have been ok with that. Never what we planned, but we know we can only make double payments for so long.
But last night I found out via the agent's wife's facebook post that they are moving and our agent is going to another company. We hadn't heard anything from him. So we're pretty sure that now a complete stranger who we have never met will be taking over the selling of our house. It pretty much knocked me into a tailspin. After getting the kids in bed and going to bed myself I just let myself cry. I couldn't form coherent thoughts. I was just sad and scared and tired of it all. After I calmed down a little I tried to pray, but I still couldn't seem to put into words what I was feeling. Then this scripture came to mind:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26
I am so thankful to have a Father who loves me and the gift of the Spirit who intercedes for me when I don't know what to pray for. This morning I have a much better outlook on it. Who knows but that this new agent won't be able to do something for us that our old one couldn't and we sell the house soon. Whatever God's plan is, I know it will only bless us in the end.
But last night I found out via the agent's wife's facebook post that they are moving and our agent is going to another company. We hadn't heard anything from him. So we're pretty sure that now a complete stranger who we have never met will be taking over the selling of our house. It pretty much knocked me into a tailspin. After getting the kids in bed and going to bed myself I just let myself cry. I couldn't form coherent thoughts. I was just sad and scared and tired of it all. After I calmed down a little I tried to pray, but I still couldn't seem to put into words what I was feeling. Then this scripture came to mind:
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26
I am so thankful to have a Father who loves me and the gift of the Spirit who intercedes for me when I don't know what to pray for. This morning I have a much better outlook on it. Who knows but that this new agent won't be able to do something for us that our old one couldn't and we sell the house soon. Whatever God's plan is, I know it will only bless us in the end.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Family Movie Night!
We tried to start the tradition of every Friday being Family Movie Night before we moved, but somehow we, and by we I mean Hubby and I, were always so exhausted that it usually didn't happen. Fridays were supposed to be Hubby's day off, but he usually had to work at least a little. And the girls and I were in a homeschool performing arts co-op that that left me so drained I wanted to go to bed at 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
However, since moving to BR we've had family movie night every Friday night so far. I believe this is due largely to the fact that we aren't involved in anything else yet. No homeschool groups or co-ops, no friends to get together with, not really having anywhere to go. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. All of the girls love watching a movie together, although that may be more because of the popcorn than all of us being together. But Hubby and I do enjoy us all being together and enjoying something as a family. And as we get settled more here and join groups and find friends, I think that we'll have finally established the routine of Family Movie Night so that it is a tradition that will stick for years! Tonight its Dr. Dolittle--old school! What are you doing with your family tonight?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Meet.....the girls!
When I was blogging several years ago I kind off knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't a good idea to post your children's names online. I have a cousin who has done a lot of research on internet safety and he believes very strongly that you should never post your child's name online, even on things like social networks. Since he's done the research I'm going to err on the side of caution and not use the girls' names. I know other bloggers use cute nick-names for their kids, but honestly, I have 4 girls and I don't think you would be able to keep track of which one is which anyway. So they will henceforth be known as Baby Girl #1, #2, #3, and #4. That way at least you'll be able to figure out where in the line up they fall when I talk about them.
Baby Girl #1 is 10. She has such a sweet spirit. Very tenderhearted. The type of child that you can give an irritated look to and she'll break down in tears. Sometimes it is a struggle for me to know how to deal with her because I was/am so not that way. She loves to read. That she definitely got from me! At any given time she could be reading 4 different books. Math is not her friend. She loves to help in the kitchen and is just waiting until I tell her she can cook or bake on her own. Her gentle spirit makes her seem a little shy, but she actually loves teasing people. She is learning the art of sarcasm well. I'm enjoying her being a bit more grown up.
Baby Girl #2 is 8. She is 17 1/2 months younger than #1. I have to remind myself that she is actually younger sometimes because she constantly wants to do everything her older sister does. Of all my girls, this one is definitely mini-me. She gives me a look sometimes and I know exactly what she is thinking because it is "my" look! She loves to read too, likes math, has a great imagination and is pretty bossy. She would rather bribe her sisters to do her chores for her than do it herself. That's been taken care of, but if she could get away with it she totally would. She has the best laugh and the biggest smile.
Yeah, that mischievous grin exactly captures her personality. Baby Girl #3 loves to laugh and have fun. She is bundle of energy, usually running to get somewhere instead of walking. She can be a bit hard headed, especially when it comes to not wanting to eat all of her food, but usually she is pretty easy going. She is 5, but wants to do everything her big sisters do. One of her chores is putting trash bags back in the trash cans when they have been emptied. I've never seen a child be so serious about a chore. She waits anxiously for #2 to empty the trash cans and then very seriously makes sure that the bags are back in perfectly and the trashcans in the exact spot they should be. I love it! She just started school this year. She was really excited at first, but now that she realizes it is more than coloring pictures all day she isn't as enthusiastic. But she still has a good attitude about it and she is excited to be learning to read for sure!
Cutie--right? Yeah, she's also the biggest stinker! She is 2 1/2 and she is the most stubborn out of all the girls, but she is also the most loving. I've never been the type of Mom to not discipline my child just because they smile at me or cry because they are sorry, but there have been a few times I've wanted to with her. She can give the cutest smile when she is in trouble! She also knows how to manipulate those around her. I can't tell you how many times I've heard her tell her sisters, "Mommy said!" when I in fact said no such thing! She has always been a terrible sleeper. She still comes in at some point each night and gets in bed with us. That'll change once the potty training is finished, but for right now I'm OK with waking up each morning to that grin!
So those are my girls! Each one different and I love each one more than I ever knew was possible! Our life is never boring with these minions running around! And I wouldn't change a thing!
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| Baby Girl #1 |
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| Baby Girl #2 |
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| Baby Girl #3 |
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| Baby Girl #4 |
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Meet.....the Hubby
Don't worry, I asked him before I posted to make sure he was cool with this. Since I have nothing but good things to say, he said it was ok!
So obviously Hubby is the preacher. He worked at a bank for 13 years before we went into the ministry. His last position there was as a real estate appraiser. He loved that job! But we felt like God was calling us into the full time ministry so away we went. I think he is pretty amazing as a minster. He does well speaking on a weekly basis. I can say this because other people have complimented him. Most of the time I'm corralling kids in the pew so I couldn't tell him if he had a good lesson or if everyone was staring at him in utter confusion. He has an amazing way of working with people. Pre-marital counseling, grief counseling, I'm having a rough day and need to vent counseling--he does it all. I've watched him in most of these situations at one time or another and I am always blown away with how well he handles sticky situations or how he knows just what to say to someone when most people would be tripping over themselves with awkwardness. It isn't all roses with his ministry, but for the most part he loves it and I'm glad I get to walk this journey with him.
I met Hubby when I was 12 years old. He was a bit older. My Mom and my Grandmother were both so impressed with him that they both, on separate occasions, unknown to each other, asked him to wait until I grew up so I could marry him. Thankfully, I did not know this until a few years ago. I don't actually remember meeting him at all at that point.
Fast forward two years. I'm now 14 and we meet again at a church camp. I decide that he is everything I have ever wanted for a husband and fall hopelessly in love with him. He has told me that he doesn't really remember me being at this camp at all.
Jump two more years and we're together at another church meeting (seeing a pattern)? I've been in love with him for two years, he's just broken up with a long time girlfriend. I decide if anything is going to happen that I have to make the first move. So I make sure and sit by him during church. Brazen, I know. But at this point I live in Oklahoma, he lives in California, so he humors me by writing me a few emails in response to my twenty.
Long story short, he finally wakes up to what I've known for over 4 years and decides he loves me too. 5 weeks after I graduate from highschool we get married in Oklahoma and I leave all my family to live with him in California. We haven't had a perfect marriage. There are patches that I remember vividly as being very difficult. But we made a commitment to each other and 12 years and 4 kids later here we are. He is exactly the kind of husband and father I knew he would be when I fell in love with him at 14, only 10 times better. I thank God for him every day. I am truly blessed to be able to call him my husband!
I could go on for quite a while about everything I love about this man, but I think I prefer to tell you about the things he does and the man he is on a more spread out basis. If I told you everything at once you might get jealous! :)
So obviously Hubby is the preacher. He worked at a bank for 13 years before we went into the ministry. His last position there was as a real estate appraiser. He loved that job! But we felt like God was calling us into the full time ministry so away we went. I think he is pretty amazing as a minster. He does well speaking on a weekly basis. I can say this because other people have complimented him. Most of the time I'm corralling kids in the pew so I couldn't tell him if he had a good lesson or if everyone was staring at him in utter confusion. He has an amazing way of working with people. Pre-marital counseling, grief counseling, I'm having a rough day and need to vent counseling--he does it all. I've watched him in most of these situations at one time or another and I am always blown away with how well he handles sticky situations or how he knows just what to say to someone when most people would be tripping over themselves with awkwardness. It isn't all roses with his ministry, but for the most part he loves it and I'm glad I get to walk this journey with him.
I met Hubby when I was 12 years old. He was a bit older. My Mom and my Grandmother were both so impressed with him that they both, on separate occasions, unknown to each other, asked him to wait until I grew up so I could marry him. Thankfully, I did not know this until a few years ago. I don't actually remember meeting him at all at that point.
Fast forward two years. I'm now 14 and we meet again at a church camp. I decide that he is everything I have ever wanted for a husband and fall hopelessly in love with him. He has told me that he doesn't really remember me being at this camp at all.
Jump two more years and we're together at another church meeting (seeing a pattern)? I've been in love with him for two years, he's just broken up with a long time girlfriend. I decide if anything is going to happen that I have to make the first move. So I make sure and sit by him during church. Brazen, I know. But at this point I live in Oklahoma, he lives in California, so he humors me by writing me a few emails in response to my twenty.
Long story short, he finally wakes up to what I've known for over 4 years and decides he loves me too. 5 weeks after I graduate from highschool we get married in Oklahoma and I leave all my family to live with him in California. We haven't had a perfect marriage. There are patches that I remember vividly as being very difficult. But we made a commitment to each other and 12 years and 4 kids later here we are. He is exactly the kind of husband and father I knew he would be when I fell in love with him at 14, only 10 times better. I thank God for him every day. I am truly blessed to be able to call him my husband!
I could go on for quite a while about everything I love about this man, but I think I prefer to tell you about the things he does and the man he is on a more spread out basis. If I told you everything at once you might get jealous! :)
Meet.....Me!
Ever feel like your life just isn't exciting enough for other people to care about reading? That's how I feel right about now. But I do want to give a little bit of background for those of you who don't know us or those of you who don't know all about us! And I keep reminding myself that I like to read about other people who are "normal" more than I do people who are famous, so here goes!
I'm 30. I can finally say that without adding a big "UGH" behind it. I've dreaded turning 30 since I was 25. But then it happened and I found out that it wasn't so bad. Although with everything that has been going on lately I haven't had time to color my hair and I have more than one gray hair showing. That really freaks me out! Hubby says I earned everyone of them. I say they need to stay in their place--hidden under a beautiful brunette color!
I'm a stay at home mom because I choose to be. I knew from the time I was in high school that I would stay home and raise my children instead of working outside of the home. I never went to college because I saw no reason to rack up a bunch of student loan debt when I didn't intend to use a degree. That's not to say that I'll never work. I'm looking forward to finding something to do that I'm passionate about once my children are grown. But for now, my most important job is raising my children. The pay stinks, but the benefits are amazing!
I'm also a homeschool teacher to my four girls. Our reasons for homeschooling grow every year and I'm sure I'll have to more to say about it in a separate post. For now I'll just say that I did not envision myself homeschooling. And I'm not the type of mom who just enjoys having her children surrounds her all day, every day, forever and ever without end, but I believe with my whole being that God has called my husband and I to homeschool. It is wonderful and frustrating and heart wrenching and peaceful just about every day. Plus a lot more adjectives that I'll spare you having to read. I'm not a perfect teacher, but I think I do a pretty good job most days!
I'm the wife of a preacher. We've been in the full time ministry for almost 10 years, at four different congregations in four different states. I'm not going to lie, its rough being in the ministry. There are some things that most people understand that are difficult and some things that only those who have been in the full time ministry can appreciate. But there are also benefits. The biggest one is being able to watch my husband do something that he is really good at and feels called to do. For the most part the good out-weighs the bad.
I'm aware that everything I've written about are things that I "do", not who I "am". I know a lot of people would try to tell me that I need to find an identity outside of being a wife and a mother. I even understand where they are coming from. But I don't need a job or a title or accolades so that other people can see how important I am. I know who I am. I know my hopes and dreams and fears and imperfections. My identity right now is a wife and mother, because that is what I have been called to do. And there is nothing better than knowing you are following God's path for your life!
I'm 30. I can finally say that without adding a big "UGH" behind it. I've dreaded turning 30 since I was 25. But then it happened and I found out that it wasn't so bad. Although with everything that has been going on lately I haven't had time to color my hair and I have more than one gray hair showing. That really freaks me out! Hubby says I earned everyone of them. I say they need to stay in their place--hidden under a beautiful brunette color!
I'm a stay at home mom because I choose to be. I knew from the time I was in high school that I would stay home and raise my children instead of working outside of the home. I never went to college because I saw no reason to rack up a bunch of student loan debt when I didn't intend to use a degree. That's not to say that I'll never work. I'm looking forward to finding something to do that I'm passionate about once my children are grown. But for now, my most important job is raising my children. The pay stinks, but the benefits are amazing!
I'm also a homeschool teacher to my four girls. Our reasons for homeschooling grow every year and I'm sure I'll have to more to say about it in a separate post. For now I'll just say that I did not envision myself homeschooling. And I'm not the type of mom who just enjoys having her children surrounds her all day, every day, forever and ever without end, but I believe with my whole being that God has called my husband and I to homeschool. It is wonderful and frustrating and heart wrenching and peaceful just about every day. Plus a lot more adjectives that I'll spare you having to read. I'm not a perfect teacher, but I think I do a pretty good job most days!
I'm the wife of a preacher. We've been in the full time ministry for almost 10 years, at four different congregations in four different states. I'm not going to lie, its rough being in the ministry. There are some things that most people understand that are difficult and some things that only those who have been in the full time ministry can appreciate. But there are also benefits. The biggest one is being able to watch my husband do something that he is really good at and feels called to do. For the most part the good out-weighs the bad.
I'm aware that everything I've written about are things that I "do", not who I "am". I know a lot of people would try to tell me that I need to find an identity outside of being a wife and a mother. I even understand where they are coming from. But I don't need a job or a title or accolades so that other people can see how important I am. I know who I am. I know my hopes and dreams and fears and imperfections. My identity right now is a wife and mother, because that is what I have been called to do. And there is nothing better than knowing you are following God's path for your life!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Here I am
I have had two blogs before. I'm talking 10 years ago before blogging was cool and everyone was doing it! I originally did it as a way for my family who lived away from us to keep up with what we were doing and as a way for me to keep a record of what was going on in our lives.
I quit those quite a few years ago. But I've been thinking for the last six months or so that I would really like to start another blog. I felt like life was moving really fast and I wanted to be able to remember what happened today two weeks from now. But I honestly felt super intimidated by what the blogging world had become. Moms posting about all the cute crafts they do with their two year old with numerous pictures chronicling every step. Of course, they never mention the melt down by the two year old in the middle of the project and the hour of clean up that came after or the fact that they had glitter in their hair for a week. Or how about the women who post all these fantastic recipes that look and taste amazing? They have such neat pictures of what every step should look like and of course the result is fantastic! They just happened to leave out the fact that it took them ten tries and every pan they own to get the recipe perfect.
Don't get me wrong--I appreciate these blogs. Check out my pinterest page and you will see numerous pins with amazing recipes from women who have put them in their blogs. And I'm glad there are moms out there who are willing to make a mess doing a craft with their two year old. That just isn't me. And I felt like if I didn't have something amazing to offer that everyone would appreciate it if I just stayed away from the blogging world. But then I read a blog by a friend here and I was impressed by what she said about blogging just to have a record of their family. I thought about my daughters one day raising their own children and being able to look back on this and see what it was like for me to raise them and it made me smile.
So here I am. You've been warned--I have no advice to give, no expert opinions to offer, no special crafts or awesome recipes I came up with. Its just me, talking about our life. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes or maybe you'll just get to know our family a little bit. Or maybe you'll simply read this and be glad you're not me! Whatever it is you get out of this blog, I hope it is a blessing!
I quit those quite a few years ago. But I've been thinking for the last six months or so that I would really like to start another blog. I felt like life was moving really fast and I wanted to be able to remember what happened today two weeks from now. But I honestly felt super intimidated by what the blogging world had become. Moms posting about all the cute crafts they do with their two year old with numerous pictures chronicling every step. Of course, they never mention the melt down by the two year old in the middle of the project and the hour of clean up that came after or the fact that they had glitter in their hair for a week. Or how about the women who post all these fantastic recipes that look and taste amazing? They have such neat pictures of what every step should look like and of course the result is fantastic! They just happened to leave out the fact that it took them ten tries and every pan they own to get the recipe perfect.
Don't get me wrong--I appreciate these blogs. Check out my pinterest page and you will see numerous pins with amazing recipes from women who have put them in their blogs. And I'm glad there are moms out there who are willing to make a mess doing a craft with their two year old. That just isn't me. And I felt like if I didn't have something amazing to offer that everyone would appreciate it if I just stayed away from the blogging world. But then I read a blog by a friend here and I was impressed by what she said about blogging just to have a record of their family. I thought about my daughters one day raising their own children and being able to look back on this and see what it was like for me to raise them and it made me smile.
So here I am. You've been warned--I have no advice to give, no expert opinions to offer, no special crafts or awesome recipes I came up with. Its just me, talking about our life. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes or maybe you'll just get to know our family a little bit. Or maybe you'll simply read this and be glad you're not me! Whatever it is you get out of this blog, I hope it is a blessing!
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