Operation Object Lesson is in the Works

I'm not going to lie.  Plotting with the Hubby about how to cause the most heartache in our children was just a little bit fun.

See, our girls are good kids.  Through the grace of God we've gotten some things right in training them up.  But since they're not functioning adults yet we still have work to do.  Right now the biggest issue that needs to be addressed is teaching them to take responsibility of their chores and other jobs so that I'm not constantly having to remind them to get them done.

I had a great system figured out.  Actually, it is still a great system, they're just not using it right.  I have a separate sheet of paper printed for each of the older three with a list of their chores and what day they need to get them done on.  For example, vacuuming the rugs on Tuesday and Fridays or cleaning the bathroom on Wednesdays.  These sheets are in plastic covers so that they can get a dry erase marker and check off when they get a chore done so they can easily see what still needs to be done.  Smart, right?  Don't think too highly of me--I got the idea off of Pinterest.

This system worked great for the first several weeks.  Sheets were being consulted, boxes were being checked, and chores were getting done with enthusiasm!  My list maker self was happy!  After about 2 months though the boxes weren't really being checked any more.  I was OK with this.  I would hope that after that amount of time they would be able to remember what they were supposed to do on any given day.  Soon after I noticed that the sheets weren't being consulted much either.  Again, I was OK with it.  As long as they remembered what they were supposed to do I didn't care if my system was being used.

We were gone a lot this last summer so after the first couple of weeks back in school when Hubby and I noticed that chores weren't being done at all we had a family meeting where we reminded the girls that they have a responsibility to the family to help everything run smoothly.  We also changed up some of the responsibilities. That helped for a while because they had to go back to checking their sheets to remember what the new jobs were. 

But then they started slacking again.  So we started implementing punishment for not getting their chores done.  For example if the dust mopping wasn't done by the time Daddy got home at 5:30 then that child would be doing the extra sweeping as well as dust mopping for a week.  We did have to doll out punishments to all three of the girls for different things.  It didn't take more than about two times of extra work being piled on for them to get the hint and start getting it done when they were supposed to.

The problem during all of this is that I would "help" the girls along by reminding them that they might want to get their chores completed.  Or just asking if they got something done.  Or flat out telling them to go do it right now.  I can't even remember all the times I've reminded them about something and they'll say, "Yeah, I know," and then get so busy doing their own thing that they don't get it done.  And it's gotten worse.  I'm now constantly reminding them or asking them about their chores.  Chores that by now they should have memorized what they are supposed to do when. 

There are several problems with this.  First of all, the reason I came up with my chore system was so that I wouldn't  have to think about the girls' chores at all.  Once I had them down on paper they should be able to read it and get it done without me having to constantly remember what they're supposed to be doing on any given day.  Once I had it written out for them I emptied that space in my brain to fill with other necessary information.  Like what I'm making for dinner tonight or what day I'm supposed to do laundry.  Honestly, some days I feel like if I have to remember one more thing Hubby is going to come home and find my head has exploded.  And then the girls will have the chore of cleaning my brain matter off the ceiling.  Secondly, when they get a job their employer will not be reminding them what they have to get done and when it needs to be done by.  At least not more than once or twice.  I also think that not getting their chores done shows a lack of respect for the authority of their father and I.  There needs to be a level of respect that if we tell them to do something it gets done without a reminder.

So Hubby and I have been thinking about how we can get this lesson across.  Reminders and punishment haven't worked on a long term basis.  Allowances are given as a way to teach good money management so we don't take them away as punishment.  Plus, we don't pay the girls to get their chores done.  They do chores because they're a part of the family, not because we pay them for it.

What we finally decided was that we needed to show the girls how them not doing their chores affects the entire family.  They have been given chores to do because they are a part of this family, and everyone needs to do their part in order for the family to run smoothly.  So we are going to show them what happens when Mommy "forgets" to do her job.  Or when I get caught up doing something I enjoy and get my job done late.
Tomorrow night Hubby is going to come home and we're going to watch a movie in our room.  They won't be invited to join us, they'll have to figure out something to do on their own.  Then, because I'm doing something for myself, I'm going to forget to make dinner.  When they remind me about it, as I'm sure they will be often, I'll just tell them I'll do it in a little bit.  Something I hear quite often from them.  The end result is that dinner is going to be cheese and crackers at around 8 p.m.  Hubby wanted dinner to be skipped completely, but I thought that might be a bit much. 

And then Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we will be eating peanut butter and jelly for lunch and dinner because I'm going to forget to go grocery shopping.  (For the record, Hubby and I both really dislike PB&J.  This isn't going to be fun for us either).  When they ask about food we already have I'll tell them it's for another meal, but since I don't have all the ingredients I can't make it.  When they remind me that I need to go shopping I'm going to say something about being busy, or I'll go in a little while, or I don't feel like it right now.  When they complain about the peanut butter and jelly we'll remind them to be thankful we have food to eat.  We're determined that this will be something they won't soon forget. 

Hubby and I were laughing a lot while plotting this plan.  We've already figured out the logistics of where we'll hide our snacks to sneak throughout the day.  Or how long we'll have to wait after they go to bed to get Taco Bell without them smelling it.  We might have actually cackled and rubbed our hands together when we decided we would write their favorite meals down on our menu for them to see knowing full well we wouldn't be fixing them.  We're not evil, but any parent will tell you that sometimes it feels like you're in a battle with your children.  This is a war we don't intend to lose!  If we can do it with a flare that will make them remember it longer, even better!

Our girls are pretty smart so I expect them to figure out what is going on before Saturday night.  But we're going to carry it all the way through.  And Saturday night we'll have another family meeting and we'll talk about what we all learned.   Hopefully this is the last time we'll have to demonstrate the importance of getting chores done.  If it doesn't work I just might resort to showing them pictures of brain matter and explaining how hard it will be to clean off our ceiling!