I am guilty of having expectations of a reward when I do a good deed. I'm not expecting thanks or praise, in fact, I would rather do good deeds anonymously whenever possible. But I do expect to at least get the warm fuzzies and feel good about myself when I do something for somebody else.
Such was not the case last week when I was trying to make a few meals to take to someone who had had surgery and was unable to cook anything. My original plan was to go shopping on Monday and make everything on Tuesday to take to them. They would be able to freeze everything so I could just take it all at once. Then we were informed that other people had blessed them and they didn't need any food until Friday or Saturday. I'm thinking this is even better. Now I'm planning on making everything on Friday and so instead of purchasing everything at the store I order several components of the meals I'm making online. I do this at least one a month with several grocery and household items. I earn reward points I can trade in for gift cards without paying any more than I would in the store. Plus it saves me quite a bit of time at the store. Always a plus when you're hauling four kids with you.
Then we get to church Wednesday night and we were asked if we could bring the meals for Thursday and Friday, they didn't get as much food as they thought they were going to. Now, I don't blame anyone for changing dates around. We had offered to bring them food whenever they needed it. I just don't do well when my well-laid out plans are changed on me. So on Thursday, the one day that week we were busy and gone with school stuff until about 4:30, I'm needing to make a meal. Thankfully I had everything I needed to make one meal. So I set about making the meal. And then sent Hubby off to deliver the meal and a promise to bring more food the next day while I'm trying to feed our children and clean up the kitchen and deal with #1 having a major headache and thus a complete melt down. Thankfully, Hubby took over the clean up and the care of children when he got back.
Friday was the day all the groceries were supposed to be delivered. They still hadn't come by 4 so I jumped online to see where they were at via the tracking number. Much to my dismay it showed that the packages had been delivered at 11:06 that morning. There were no packages at my front or back door. Of all the times I have ordered groceries have they ever been delivered to the wrong address? Nope. Just the one time I actually needed them. After dealing with FedEx for a while and finally figuring out that we weren't going to get the packages that day it was too late to go to the grocery store and still make anything to get to the family we were providing dinner for. So Hubby went through a drive-through and got them some chicken. Normally I would have been embarrassed to bring take-out when a home cooked meal had been promised, but I was so frustrated at this point I didn't even think about it. I was just glad we had the money for that quick fix.
Saturday the packages are still no where to be seen so we head to the store to get everything I needed. On a Saturday. At Wal-Mart. Enough said. So we finally have everything I needed and when we got home I spent several hours in the kitchen making meals. I was also making meals for us at the same time--well-laid plans, remember? And the whole time I'm working on all this food I keep wondering where my warm fuzzies are? I'm doing a good deed, right? Helping someone out, doing my Christian duty, yada yada yada. So why do I feel like I want nothing more than to throw my wooden spoon down on the counter and go read a book? At that point I would have gladly done laundry for the rest of the day if it meant I didn't have to be in the kitchen. Even after it was all done and Hubby had delivered everything I still didn't feel anything. I didn't begrudge them the meals, and I wasn't upset, I just had a general lack of feeling.
And I finally realized that God never promised warm fuzzies. I haven't been promised anything for doing good. I'm simply commanded to do it. Do I usually receive blessings in one form or another when I do a "good deed"? Sure. But is that why I should do it? Nope. I certainly shouldn't be doing it to receive praise from others, but I also shouldn't do anything hoping for a blessing for myself. I should just do it to be a blessing for others. Hopefully next time I'll have the correct attitude! And my boxes of groceries.
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