The Finale!

Our little object lesson is now complete--praise the Lord!  I'm super glad that my brother and his family came to see us anyway, but the fact that we "had" to cut out two more meals of PB&J makes them coming even better.  It was all Hubby and I could do at lunch yesterday to get the sandwich down!

So how did it go?  I think we got the point across very well.  As soon as lunch was cleaned up we called #1 in our room and talked to her about it.  We explained that the lesson wasn't so much for her as it was for her sisters and that even though she doesn't always remember to do her chores that we were very proud of how well she does with remembering.  And then we praised her for having a good attitude and that even though we could tell that she was irritated with us on Tuesday when we didn't eat until 8 that she was never rude or disrespectful.  We also told her that we proud of the way that she directs her sisters when she needs to and how she has started to gently remind them when they need to get things done as well.  She cried, but she started crying before we even said anything.  That is just how she is.  And that is why we talked to her separately!

After talking to her we sat down with all the girls in the living room and called our family meeting to order.  We asked how they felt when we didn't feed them until 8 on Tuesday.  #3 said she felt hungry.  That is the only emotion she could recall when thinking about that night.  After prompting #2 and telling her that she could be honest with us and we wouldn't get upset she told us that she felt like we weren't doing a good job as parents because we didn't feed them when they got hungry.  In my mind I was thinking, "Oh yeah!"  #1 also piped up and said she felt ignored.  

So then we asked how they felt eating PB&J for the last four meals.  #3 said she thought it was awesome.  Of course she did.  We could have gone another week without her thinking anything about it.  #2 said again that she didn't think we were doing a good job because we wouldn't go to the store to get food.

And then we brought the lesson home.  We talked about how because Mommy didn't do her job of fixing dinner and going grocery shopping that it affected the entire family.  We said that even though they don't think that loading or unloading the dishwasher makes a difference to the family, that it does.  When one person doesn't get their job done, it affects everyone.  We also explained that this lesson wasn't just about chores, that we were training them to be responsible adults.  That when they had a job or when they were running their own household that there wouldn't be anyone to remind them to get things done.  We also explained that we wanted them to be the type of people that others can rely on.  That when they say they will get something done that others know they can be relied upon to do what they said they would.  We got tears from #1 and #3, but #2 remained stoic.  Basically exactly the reactions we were expecting.

After we tore them down so to speak we built them back up.  We told them how impressed we were that there was not one word of complaint with any of the meals we had.  We also told them that even though we wanted to teach them this lesson that it didn't mean that we thought that they were bad kids.  We told them we were so happy with the young women they were developing in to and how thankful we were that they were our girls.  And we are!  Our children aren't perfect by any means, but they are really excellent kids. We also told them that we weren't going to talk about punishment if they didn't do their chores.  That we trusted them enough to know that because we had talked to them about how important getting their chores done was that they would do them now.  I'm hoping that expressing that trust makes them more willing to take responsibility for them. 

All in all, I think the lesson went really well.  I'm fairly certain that any time we mention peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the next year or so that they will remember this particular lesson.  As far as actually making a difference in whether they remember their chores or not--well, I'll update on that after a couple of weeks! 

Whose bright idea was this?

Seriously though?  Three straight meals of PB&J is two too many!  Want to know something funny though?  The girls were so excited that they had crunchy peanut butter in the house that they all had toast with peanut butter on it for breakfast.  When they told me that at lunch I had to walk away I was laughing so hard.  I don't think they'll be having it for breakfast tomorrow!

We are having to cut our little object lesson short.  Turns out my brother and his family are going to come and see us this weekend.  And since I can barely tolerate this much PB&J, I am definitely not going to subject anyone else to it.  So we're going to end after lunch tomorrow.  But the lesson will still be learned.

 How do I know this? #2, the one who most needed this little lesson, has detested eating the sandwiches almost as much as I have.  She hasn't said a word, other than asking if she could have meat and cheese instead, but she looks like she's about to throw up the entire time she's eating it.  Success!  And before you start to think I'm horrible, the kid is a food snob.  Not picky because she'll eat anything, but if she decides she doesn't like something she'll act like it's torture to eat it.

All the girls asked me at some point today if I was going shopping.  #2 asked if I needed to thaw out chicken.  I made it a point to tell them I needed to go shopping.  And then I told them that I didn't really feel like going.  And then when I was making dinner I reiterated that I was busy this afternoon and didn't feel like going shopping.  The older two especially seemed a little disgusted with me when I made comments about not really wanting to go to the store or being busy.  I think they could see that I was just being lazy doing my own thing instead of going shopping.  This is a good thing--exactly what I wanted them to pick up on.

I have to admit that I am pleasantly surprised at the lack of complaining that we've had.  Actually, there hasn't been any complaining.  Not even a moan when I said that we were doing PB&J again.  It's nice to see that in the midst of a lesson we're teaching the girls that we can see that some of our other lessons have paid off!  It's entirely possible if we carried this out as long as originally planned there would be complaining, but if we can get through 4 straight meals of these sandwiches without a complaint I will count that as a success!

So the plan is to go ahead with lunch tomorrow as our last meal with PB&J and then sit them down shortly after and talk about everything we learned.  Don't forget that we also had dinner at 8 on Tuesday night as part of the lesson.  Hubby and I just might be taking bets about who cries first.  Again--not terrible parents, just parents of four girls!  I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

Operation Object Lesson is in the Works

I'm not going to lie.  Plotting with the Hubby about how to cause the most heartache in our children was just a little bit fun.

See, our girls are good kids.  Through the grace of God we've gotten some things right in training them up.  But since they're not functioning adults yet we still have work to do.  Right now the biggest issue that needs to be addressed is teaching them to take responsibility of their chores and other jobs so that I'm not constantly having to remind them to get them done.

I had a great system figured out.  Actually, it is still a great system, they're just not using it right.  I have a separate sheet of paper printed for each of the older three with a list of their chores and what day they need to get them done on.  For example, vacuuming the rugs on Tuesday and Fridays or cleaning the bathroom on Wednesdays.  These sheets are in plastic covers so that they can get a dry erase marker and check off when they get a chore done so they can easily see what still needs to be done.  Smart, right?  Don't think too highly of me--I got the idea off of Pinterest.

This system worked great for the first several weeks.  Sheets were being consulted, boxes were being checked, and chores were getting done with enthusiasm!  My list maker self was happy!  After about 2 months though the boxes weren't really being checked any more.  I was OK with this.  I would hope that after that amount of time they would be able to remember what they were supposed to do on any given day.  Soon after I noticed that the sheets weren't being consulted much either.  Again, I was OK with it.  As long as they remembered what they were supposed to do I didn't care if my system was being used.

We were gone a lot this last summer so after the first couple of weeks back in school when Hubby and I noticed that chores weren't being done at all we had a family meeting where we reminded the girls that they have a responsibility to the family to help everything run smoothly.  We also changed up some of the responsibilities. That helped for a while because they had to go back to checking their sheets to remember what the new jobs were. 

But then they started slacking again.  So we started implementing punishment for not getting their chores done.  For example if the dust mopping wasn't done by the time Daddy got home at 5:30 then that child would be doing the extra sweeping as well as dust mopping for a week.  We did have to doll out punishments to all three of the girls for different things.  It didn't take more than about two times of extra work being piled on for them to get the hint and start getting it done when they were supposed to.

The problem during all of this is that I would "help" the girls along by reminding them that they might want to get their chores completed.  Or just asking if they got something done.  Or flat out telling them to go do it right now.  I can't even remember all the times I've reminded them about something and they'll say, "Yeah, I know," and then get so busy doing their own thing that they don't get it done.  And it's gotten worse.  I'm now constantly reminding them or asking them about their chores.  Chores that by now they should have memorized what they are supposed to do when. 

There are several problems with this.  First of all, the reason I came up with my chore system was so that I wouldn't  have to think about the girls' chores at all.  Once I had them down on paper they should be able to read it and get it done without me having to constantly remember what they're supposed to be doing on any given day.  Once I had it written out for them I emptied that space in my brain to fill with other necessary information.  Like what I'm making for dinner tonight or what day I'm supposed to do laundry.  Honestly, some days I feel like if I have to remember one more thing Hubby is going to come home and find my head has exploded.  And then the girls will have the chore of cleaning my brain matter off the ceiling.  Secondly, when they get a job their employer will not be reminding them what they have to get done and when it needs to be done by.  At least not more than once or twice.  I also think that not getting their chores done shows a lack of respect for the authority of their father and I.  There needs to be a level of respect that if we tell them to do something it gets done without a reminder.

So Hubby and I have been thinking about how we can get this lesson across.  Reminders and punishment haven't worked on a long term basis.  Allowances are given as a way to teach good money management so we don't take them away as punishment.  Plus, we don't pay the girls to get their chores done.  They do chores because they're a part of the family, not because we pay them for it.

What we finally decided was that we needed to show the girls how them not doing their chores affects the entire family.  They have been given chores to do because they are a part of this family, and everyone needs to do their part in order for the family to run smoothly.  So we are going to show them what happens when Mommy "forgets" to do her job.  Or when I get caught up doing something I enjoy and get my job done late.
Tomorrow night Hubby is going to come home and we're going to watch a movie in our room.  They won't be invited to join us, they'll have to figure out something to do on their own.  Then, because I'm doing something for myself, I'm going to forget to make dinner.  When they remind me about it, as I'm sure they will be often, I'll just tell them I'll do it in a little bit.  Something I hear quite often from them.  The end result is that dinner is going to be cheese and crackers at around 8 p.m.  Hubby wanted dinner to be skipped completely, but I thought that might be a bit much. 

And then Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we will be eating peanut butter and jelly for lunch and dinner because I'm going to forget to go grocery shopping.  (For the record, Hubby and I both really dislike PB&J.  This isn't going to be fun for us either).  When they ask about food we already have I'll tell them it's for another meal, but since I don't have all the ingredients I can't make it.  When they remind me that I need to go shopping I'm going to say something about being busy, or I'll go in a little while, or I don't feel like it right now.  When they complain about the peanut butter and jelly we'll remind them to be thankful we have food to eat.  We're determined that this will be something they won't soon forget. 

Hubby and I were laughing a lot while plotting this plan.  We've already figured out the logistics of where we'll hide our snacks to sneak throughout the day.  Or how long we'll have to wait after they go to bed to get Taco Bell without them smelling it.  We might have actually cackled and rubbed our hands together when we decided we would write their favorite meals down on our menu for them to see knowing full well we wouldn't be fixing them.  We're not evil, but any parent will tell you that sometimes it feels like you're in a battle with your children.  This is a war we don't intend to lose!  If we can do it with a flare that will make them remember it longer, even better!

Our girls are pretty smart so I expect them to figure out what is going on before Saturday night.  But we're going to carry it all the way through.  And Saturday night we'll have another family meeting and we'll talk about what we all learned.   Hopefully this is the last time we'll have to demonstrate the importance of getting chores done.  If it doesn't work I just might resort to showing them pictures of brain matter and explaining how hard it will be to clean off our ceiling!

I made a huge mistake that I won't be apologizing for

It is currently 5:30 in the morning.  I've been awake since 2.  Why?  Beats me.  But I figure if I'm going to be wide awake I might as well get something done.  Since this doesn't involve waking Hubby up to sort and start laundry or banging around in the kitchen and waking the girls up earlier than usual, I'm going with catching up with a couple of posts. 

So my huge mistake.  I know you're shocked that I make mistakes.  But I try to keep it real.  This mistake involves #2.  The one I've started having problems with slacking off on her independent work.  So way back before we took the week off for Thanksgiving I looked at the rest of the IEW book we're working in for #2 and decided that since the grandparents were already in town that we would make that week a little easier and just work through getting a rough draft finished.  Then we would come back after Thanksgiving and revise it and write the final draft and then have two weeks to write two more papers and we would end exactly where I wanted to.  It was a great plan!  Too bad I didn't remember that plan of action when we started the week last week.  So for the rest of the story, keep in mind that I thought she was supposed to have written both a rough draft and a final draft before Thanksgiving.

When I opened the IEW book at the beginning of the week I had a passing thought of, "Wait a sec, I thought I had it planned out to where we would be ending at the end of a section, not have a week off at the end."  But I was in full-on school mode and didn't think anymore about it.  So as we're getting ready to start a brand new lesson I asked #2 if she had put up the final draft from her other paper.  She didn't remember if she had so she got out her "work in progress" folder.  Which is when we discovered that not only did she not have a final draft (please note that neither one of us actually remembered that there wasn't supposed to be a final draft), but she also had not finished writing her rough draft like she was supposed to.  So, slightly in my defense, she didn't finish the work that she was actually supposed to do.  The thing is, if I had remembered that she was only supposed to do the rough draft I would have just shrugged it off as a side effect of having family here and we would have gone on with a mild reprimand.  That's not the way it went down though. 

I am happy to report that I kept my cool through all of this.  There was no yelling and I didn't make her cry or anything.  But I immediately latched on to the idea that this was going to be an excellent teaching moment for her.  We were not going to skip the current week's paper.  She was basically going to have to write two papers in one week.  I would be working with her on the new paper, but only editing the former paper.  So to cut the story down a little bit, she did nothing but school work Monday and Tuesday.  It is the first time in the 7 years I've been homeschooling that any of my children have had so much work.  Normally I wouldn't even allow that to happen, but I was teaching a lesson so I stuck to my guns.  She had to write 2 rough drafts for the old paper.  With major editing having to be done on both.  By the time Wednesday rolled around and I started reading her "final" draft I was ready to be done teaching that particular lesson and just ignore the mistakes I saw and let her be done.  Except that the last half of it had some major mistakes that I knew would not be a good idea to ignore.  When I told her that she was going to have to write it again she burst into tears.  And I honestly did feel bad for her.  She had had no time off that week and I hated that she had to write it again.  But I used the moment to really drive home the point that she had brought this on herself by not completing her assignments.  That it's not my job just to teach her math and writing, but that my job is to also teach her responsibility.  I'm pretty sure I had a good line in the speech about there not being anyone around when she was an adult to hold her hand and make sure she got everything done that she was supposed to, she would have to do that on her own.  It was a good speech.  And at the end of it I suddenly remembered my brilliant plan from two weeks ago.

So I was faced with a dilemma.  Come clean, admit how horribly wrong I was, and apologize profusely to my child who I had made work so hard because I couldn't remember my own plans and undo all the teaching about responsibility that I had instilled so well in her.  Or I could continue on faking like I knew exactly what I was doing and leave her with a lesson she isn't likely to forget any time soon.

I chose the latter.  Not for myself.  I would have willingly 'fessed up to this one.  I felt and still feel bad about it.  But she really needed the lesson.  And I'm not willing to undo everything she learned from this particular episode.  I did confess what had happened to Hubby.  He agreed with me.  And one day I'll tell #2 about it too.  But probably not until she is a fully-functioning, responsible adult!  Until then the secret is safe here on my little blog.  On the internet.  Where technically anyone could find it.  But since she's 9 and doesn't get online much I think I'll be OK for a couple of years!

On the plus side, we don't have a paper to write next week.  We are officially done with IEW after this week for the rest of the year for #2.  I think we're both happy about that.

So I remember on the not so great days

I have been pleasantly surprised so far this school year, all 6 days of it, that #4 hasn't really wanted to be in the school room with us.  At the beginning of the year last year I was still holding her in my lap for the majority of school, and by the end of the year she was still sitting next to me constantly wanting something to draw or a book or something else to do.  I was pretty good at continuing a lesson for another child while helping her with what she wanted to do.  But before we started school this year I asked #4 if she was going to "do" school with us in the school room or if she was going to play by herself.  She promptly answered that she wanted to play, and she has.  She's only wandered into the school room a couple of times and when she has she hasn't stayed long.

This is what she does during school

Yesterday was one of the times she happened to come in while we were working.  #3 was finishing up with the blocks she uses for math and #4 grabbed them and was sitting on the floor playing with them.  So I'm sitting at the school table with the three older ones working and #4 on the floor playing quietly and I had a beautiful moment of "Oh yeah--this is why we homeschool."

I was surrounded by my children.  We had gotten up when we were ready to get up, not because we had to be at school on time.  Breakfast was eaten, a few chores accomplished, and a few pages read in some books because we weren't having to rush around.  There was no sending them off for the day for someone else to enjoy them.  School was started with a prayer and Bible Study because it is our school, and God is definitely allowed to be there.  They were all learning something--something I just happened to have taught them.  All by myself.  No worrying if they were being taught untruths or what they were learning from their peers.  They were peaceful.  We were a family unit, working together for something that was important to us.  It was a fantastic bubble of thought. 

See homeschooling has its ups and downs.  So far this year, again, all 6 days of it, there have only been ups.  But seeing as this is my 7th year homeschooling I know the bad days will eventually show up.  And when those bad days come I want to be able to remember that moment yesterday and remind myself of why we do what we do!

And just in case any of you know nothing about me and now think I am some sort of saint, let me just say that today #4 decided she wanted to be in my lap, and then on the chair next to me, and then my lap, and then the chair, and then color, and then draw, and then erase and I was thoroughly annoyed, although I managed to not let it show.  Small victories!

Family Fun

Fridays and Saturdays are Hubby's days off.  After taking time off for the memorial service and camping and grandparents visit my plan was to go ahead and do school on Fridays.  My original plan was to take Fridays off for the entire year.  But because of the extra time off I decided we would bite the bullet and just have school on Fridays until January.  That lasted all of one week.  What kid wants to be doing school when their Daddy is sitting in the living room just waiting for them to come and play with him?  For that matter, what Mom wants to be doing school while Hubby is sitting in the living room doing nothing!  Not us! 

To be fair, if I really thought we had fallen that far behind we would be doing school on Friday.  But after reviewing Baby Girl #1's math and #2's math and english I decided we weren't as far behind as I thought.  In fact, we were a little bit ahead of schedule.

All this to explain that we had a family day on Friday.  Hubby assisted Baby Girl #2 in making blueberry muffins and bacon for breakfast.  She has been begging for about 2 months to be able to make breakfast so she was very happy to be able to get to do it.  I was very happy to be able to sleep in a little and wake up to my favorite breakfast!

After that we loaded everyone up and went to do a little shopping for Hubby.  He has gone for far too long with his slacks falling apart and being sewn quickly back together.  And his shoes that he wears with pretty much every suit were getting holes in the soles.  So I found a store that we having a sale, found a coupon and off we went.  It just so happens that I also found a $75 purse for $5.  Just sayin'!

After a little bit of shopping we surprised the girls with going to see Wreck-it Ralph.  Hubby and I both enjoy going to the movies and the girls love to go as well.  My sister had seen this movie and said it was really good so we decided to treat the girls.  We went to a matinee--lets be honest, our family of six can really only afford to go to matinees!  We found a theater that is a little older and more run down, but their ticket prices are cheaper as are their popcorn prices!  And the staff was pretty nice.  And we loved the movie!  We might actually buy it, and that is really saying something!

After that we came back home, had some dinner, watched another movie for family movie night and then packed the kiddos off to bed.

So what was so exciting about the day that is warranted a blog post?  Not much I guess, other than a note mentioning that we had a nice relaxing day as a family.  No schedules to keep, no running around madly trying to get every last thing done, no bad attitudes or hurt feelings. Just us together, enjoying being together.  I'm learning to count days like that as a reminder that God has given us all kinds of blessings that we normally take for granted.  Good health for all of us, the financial means to treat ourselves to a movie, a spouse that I still like to sit next to in a movie theater, even if we both have kids on our laps.  I hope I never take those kinds of days for granted!