I was paid some nice compliments this last weekend about the girls and about my home. They made me feel good. Other people acknowledging the things that I have worked hard at let me think that maybe I'm actually doing something right. But here's what I want everyone to know. What you see on the outside is not real life. For anyone!
I have a friend who has more than double the number of children I do who takes food every Sunday night to share at their church. She makes some really impressive dishes too.
I have a sister-in-law who keeps her house up to my "company is coming" standard all the time.
There is a wonderful lady at church who remembers to send a card out for everyone's birthday.
My sister lost a lot of weight several years ago and has continued to keep it off since then.
And I would love to say that I can look at these women and be happy for them that they are able to do these things. But I sometimes struggle with the way that it makes me feel about my own limitations.
My friend who makes incredible food every week to share with her church family would never mess up on the venison pastries/pot pie/stew like I did this last week.
My sister-in-law would break out in hives if she saw the state of my kitchen right now.
I didn't even bother to get my husband a valentine's day card, even after he surprised me with chocolates and a warm blanket.
I can't garner the will power I need to shed any weight.
The thing is, I know I'm not the only Mom who does that either. We were talking with some friends of ours and discussing how social media has really done us a disservice by allowing people to hide behind this online persona. The Mom who posts about how much she loves her kids but never says a word about bursting in to tears when they wrote on the furniture. The wife who says how much she loves her husband but never admits that they are arguing more than they used to and she doesn't know why. The person who posts amazing pictures from the awesome vacation they took but keeps quiet about the debt they've accrued.
Now, I'm not saying that you should air your dirty laundry for everyone to see it either. Online etiquette is a whole 'nother subject. I just think that we should be more real with people. Not be afraid to let others see the chinks in our armor.
But how best to go about this without walking around talking about how your kids drive you crazy, or how the remodel set you back more than you expected, or that if your husband doesn't pluck that eyebrow that keeps sticking out that you're going to do it for him while he sleeps?
What if when another Mom compliments you on how well behaved your children are that you say, "Thanks! It's a lot of hard work, so it's nice to hear that it's paying off." Or when a Mom says she wishes her house looked as nice as yours that you say, "Trust me, this is not the lived in look we usually have." What about every once in a while taking a picture of your living room that is filled with toys and books and miscellaneous crayons and posting it with #reallife.
It's not about putting yourself down to make other people feel better. We should never feel like we have to do that. It's about giving small clues to let other people know that what they see on the surface is not the whole picture. It's about letting other Moms know that you struggle with the same things they do. It's about showing your behind-the-scenes and not just your highlight reel.
There is a flip side to this subject though. What if we started handing out compliments like crazy? Since we know that other Moms struggle with feeling inadequate or like they're screwing up their kids for life, what if we showered each other with encouraging words and compliments? What if you went out of your way to tell a Mom that you're impressed with how well her children handle themselves when talking with an adult. Or that you've noticed how much one of their children has a great sense of humor. Or how amazing it is that they were able to come home after working and make a good looking meal for their family. What if Moms who have older kids tell those with younger children that they are doing a good job, even though it doesn't feel like it.
How would you feel if other people told you those kinds of things? Is it possible that if you constantly had people telling you that you were doing a good job that you just might stop comparing yourself to others? That instead you might be more confident in doing what you do best and being happy for everyone else who is doing their best too? How many aspects of your life would it affect? What if you could do that for someone else? We could change the world, y'all!
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